Starting CBT
Posted by BlackDogTribe
23rd Sep 2014

*Trigger warning* Tribe member Lucy shares with us her experience of starting cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and how it felt to open up candidly and completely to another person about her depression, self-harm and abuse.

So I had my first session of CBT with my brand new therapist/counsellor!

There wasn't too much going on in this session but, compared with my previous experience of CBT. it seemed a lot different. and a lot easier and nicer!

The first session was to get to know me, about my past, why I was referred and what I would like to work on. For me, talking in person about my experience is difficult and talking face to face with a person who I've only ever spoken with over the phone was even harder. The average session lasts 50 minutes; mine lasted over an hour so we could talk everything out.

I told him about my past, the abuse, the loss of the ex-family, my self-harm and suicide attempts. I told him about my urges, about my mood just getting lower, how I feel as though I'm struggling again.

We spoke about my urges to self-harm (including binge eating then refusing to eat) and how I control them, which for me is pinching my skin or tapping my collar bone when I become uncomfortable in public.

Most of the session was spent talking whilst filling out contracts, but somehow I managed to keep myself together. I didn't cry, I kept talking and I was made to feel extremely comfortable during the session.

I thought I did extremely well. I came out quite 'wobbly' and down, but better than when I went in, and it took three hours for the session to sink in and then I just completely broke down, I couldn't hold back tears and I just couldn't smile.

Hopefully next week will do me even better, but I don't think I have ever had a counselling or therapy session without becoming upset.   I will be having 8 sessions to begin with every week, and before the eight are up we will discuss if I need more.

I know each week with benefit me in different ways and it is giving me someone to talk to about how I feel. We will also be working on controlling my urges of self-harm and also on my nightmares.

But in the meantime I will be drawing to help sort out my thoughts, which I will upload!   So keep reading and keep sharing!

Lots of love, Luce xxx

Wish Lucy the best with her therapy journey by tweeting @Slim__Speedy or read more on her blog.

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