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My Summer of Depression Exploration
Posted by Funkie1
9th Sep 2014

All of a sudden a few years ago I sat up in bed and it suddenly dawned on me, my life is speeding by while I spend my days worrying about all sorts of stupid stuff! What the hell is wrong with me! What am I doing wasting so much precious time when I am getting older and I don't know how much time I have left! Of course now what do I do, I think about death constantly! I sit up in bed at night and think about it. I talk to my daughter and in the back of my mind I think about it! I walk to the bathroom at night and worry that I am going to drop dead of a heart attack because I am so overweight, but do I do anything about it? Well yes and no. I have changed my eating habits completely. But I am so depressed and anxious I can't even get on the treadmill next to my bed! Look I know that I have a serious illness and that I should not beat myself up but I am so sick of this damn depression! Up until a few years ago when I had the the "summer of Depression. " it was a long summer of reading just about every book on depression that was sold on Amazon! I had another sit up in bed (yes, I am always in bed!) moment. I came to the conclusion that I do have an illness, I told myself I would no longer be ashamed of it, I would no longer hide it and I would no longer beat myself up about it! I still slip, well I slip a lot, but I am better about accepting myself for who I am and not beating myself up day and night. I have also "come out" to everyone I know on Facebook! After Robins Williams death I really have gotten out there and posted everything I came across on Depression, mental illness, suicide, etc. So getting back to this death thing, I want to stop thinking about it so much and just live for however time I have left. I take my medication, I stay in touch with my therapist, I talk to my best friend (my husband) about it. I am hoping that I continue to make progress and continue to enjoy my blessings and to live life to the very fullest!

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