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My first experiences of depression
Posted by
8th Sep 2014

One of our wonderful media volunteers recalls her initial depression diagnosis at the age of 19 and how, after 12 years of battling the illness, she has finally accepted it.

I was 19 when I was first diagnosed with Clinical Depression and was in my second year of University. At the time I didn’t quite understand what was happening to me; I was feeling isolated from everyone and the world around me. This gradual feeling kept on getting worse, where I no longer enjoyed anything that life had to offer. I kept thinking to myself that this was meant to be the best time of my life; everyone around me was enjoying their time at university except me.

These feelings eventually got much more intense over time. I stopped going out and wanted to shut myself away from the world. I kept feeling guilty of why I was feeling like this and tried to ignore it. Eventually it got too much and I started feeling suicidal.

I remember the doctor asking me my symptoms and if anything traumatic had happened to me. I was in tears, shaking my head and truly believed that I was a burden to everyone. It was a relief when I was diagnosed with depression in one way – there was a name to what I had, although I didn’t know anything about it at the time. At 19 and bewildered by this diagnosis, I was determined that I would not go on antidepressants and that I would face this alone and try to battle it.

Fast forward 12 years, and I am still battling but have recently learnt that you cannot fight depression: it’s exhausting! Plus, you will lose. After all this time, I have learnt to surrender to it. This is not something that will go away for me, but I now know (and I have learnt some very hard lessons) that it can be controlled.

Read more about her mental health experiences in her blog or start a conversation with her on Twitter.

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