Am I just Confused?
Posted by
29th Aug 2014

A SANE supporter wished to share this blog anonymously.

Hi There, 

I have been jumbling around mental health issues for the past few years and no doctor has managed to diagnose me, I can't afford a psychiatrist and the local services have took an age to get me on there CBT program which also isn't helping. I have been on meds for 2 years - anti d's - having originally taken them for generalised anxiety and panic attacks but increasingly found depression to take over. 

My health has scaled up and down and am not sure where I stand. Sometimes, I feel so desperate that I am tempted to go to A and E and try to section myself and another minute I could feel positive but it lasts for about 5 seconds. I have phobias, OCD more often than not, I panic if I go anywhere and my passion gets buried beneath my depression which makes me weak, tired and often irritable and unnecessarily aggressive. 

Sometimes I lie in bed and panic that I am stuck in this crazy world and there is no escape but I can't bring myself around to suicide. I think about it all the time but I want to do well in life/career even if it is meaningless at the very end. As my symptoms vary so often and there is a lot of them I am confused by what direction to take, the GPs I find frankly useless and can only tell me of websites and to wait patiently for help. I really a psychologist who I can have a relationship with, are there any funding opportunities? Or should I go to a hospital and try and get help? I am beginning to think I may be schizophrenic due to my nausea, temperament and manically fluxing thoughts in my head. But, then again, I worry a lot, so maybe it is all nothing? 

I would be interested to hear from you. Many thanks.

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