Posted by Funkie1
20th Aug 2014

Staring at the phone but it never rings, might as well hang jewelery on the damn thing! You see people don't want to talk to me anymore, seems like I am such a bore. No one wants to hear negative thoughts, they would rather hear my deepest happy thoughts. It"s O.K. I"m used to it by now. I"m not sad, i"m just so bleeping mad! Why has my depression imprisoned me, why has it taken all my friends from me? You see for some of us it is not a temporary thing, it ihangs on and on and on and never goes away. You are told to live with it and to never quit. It is not that easy to accept that you"ve become a crazy mess! BUT I will try to be more positive and maybe one day soon the phone will ring again and it will be a long lost friend. They will say I"ve missed you so, could I come over and see you? I know that we are more than our depression, we did not ask for this, it wasn"t on our Christmas list.

I wrote this few days ago when I could not sleep. I was getting angry that my phone never rings anymore. Mainly because I moved a few years ago I don"t have an opportunity to meet anyone here. There is one friend of 30 years that I moved here for, her boyfriend had passed away and we decided to move close by. It has been about 7 years and I can count the number of times I have seen her on two hands except when I was helpling her with her new business. About 3 years ago she came out and told me that she could not be my friend anymore because it was too difficult. We did not speak for several years until I called when I was very sick and she came because she was worried about me. We then decided to give our friendship another try and met for coffee about 3 months ago, everything went well, I was on my best behavior! I was not negative at all. We agreed to meet up again, she said she would call me. I have heard nothing at all except I got an invitation to her daughter"s baby shower. The old me would have gone, afterall I love her daughter, the new me, well, I am not going. I would feel way too uncomfortable and I do not want to go. Maybe I am wrong but that is what I have decided. I will call her daughter and apologize. It is the only day of the week I have with my family since my husband works so much and they love me and want to spend time with me! Just because we have depression does not mean that we should accept being treated badly by anyone!

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