Depression is a strange word
Posted by pollyperkins
26th Jul 2014

Depression is a strange word. Depression automatically directs your mind to picture of the old Bedlam, people shrieking and crying, straight jackets and other not so pleasant treatments.

If you say you're depressed, many people would think you're feeling low or unhappy. That's not what it's all about. Depression gets hold of you, like an angry dog would get hold of it's toy and just throw it about, shaking the toy, mauling it until if was finished playing with it for now. The toy would lie there, and, as it's a toy, it can't move, can't cry out for help, can't do anything to help itself. Locked in it's own prison of numbness, waiting for the kind owner of the dog to come and rescue it, put it in a safe place, away from the marauding dog.

You would think that, in this day and age, it would be easier to talk about mental health, but not everyone feels the same way. It seems, to me, that it depends on the sufferer and how they deal with it that matters. And how it all started, or how it built up, is just as important. If it's seen as justified, then that's fine. If it's seen as someone "feeling sorry" for themselves, then forget it. Whatever you do, don't try to draw attention to yourself; that's plain rude. Don't say anything, don't do anything that would cause other people to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable. Don't disrupt their life, their way of thinking. And don't say how you feel, don't share with those around you what's playing out in your mind. Don't ask for reassurance or help; don't assume that you're cared for nor a friend. Don't, whatever you do, trust those who you thought were trustworthy.

Doesn't sound good, does it? But I bet you there are thousands, millions of people who feel like that every day, wondering if what they said to so and so would eventually turn around and be used against them. Is that right? No! Does it happen? Yes!

Depression turns the most normal thoughts into thoughts of self harm, despair, unworthiness, being unloved or just plain stupid. For those who don't seem to care whether you're there or not, you're wallowing in self pity and you need to snap out of it right away. If, on the other hand you're someone they actually like, then you're fine- Phew!. If you're one of the favoured few, then it's probably more than likely that you'll escape the tirade of horribleness. But, even if you are one of these chosen people, you always keep your guard up. Why? Because the person you thought you knew just gives you a feeling, something you can't put your finger on. It's like seeing something out of the corner of your eye- there for a second and it's gone. People who feed off emotions, who feed off the situation that's happening around them them, can either help or hinder. Let me draw your attention to what I said about friends. Let's be honest, there are people we"like" "love" and "tolerate". If you're in the "tolerate" category, then it can swing either way. If they want to back you, they will. But woe betide you if you say anything that could affect those they "like "/"love".

Does this sound familiar? If that's you, then you have my deepest empathy

"Empathy is the ability to mutually experience the thoughts, emotions, and direct experience of others. It goes beyond sympathy, which is a feeling of care and understanding for the suffering of others. Both words have similar usage but differ in their emotional meaning."

For me, to be able to write is one of the most helpful and cathartic ways I have of expressing the roller coaster of emotions that depression throws at me. And having some amazing and wonderful friends & family who love me for who I am, despite my troughs, despite the days when I can't put together a coherent sentence because I've cried too much.

And then there's God. Yes, I know, He should be first, above my friends and family. The reason I've put God here is because He underpins it all. Without him, I'd be more a wreck than I am now. If it wasn't for Him, I wouldn't have the courage to face each second of every day. Despite the knots in my stomach, I've got Him. I'm letting Him unravel the knots.

Share Email a friend Be the first to comment on this blog
Recent Posts

25th Jun 2019
Scars and hot weather
25th Jun 2019
Celebrate World Music Day by Amanda
24th Jun 2019
Living with an invisible illness others can't see
23rd Jun 2019
Time To Normalise
21st Jun 2019