The Verdict
Posted by dirkgently1066
23rd Feb 2014

He was put to the sword in 'Dear Depression'. He hit back in 'Right of Reply'. Now, Depression faces the final judgement.

'Depression, you stand accused of a most heinous crime. That you did wilfully and deliberately ruin the life of the witness, destroying his confidence, making him feel worthless and setting him on a course of a lifetime of dissatisfaction and under achievement. How do you plead?'

'Not guilty.'

'Very well. Let us hear the case for the defence. What say you, depression?'

'He's fat.'

'Is that the sum total of your case?'

'Yes. Well, that and he's a loser. I mean just look at him. He's fat! And he's ugly. Did I mention that he's fat?'

'Okay, that's quite enough.'

'Look, the point I'm making is that he was always a loser, long before I came along. He was a loser at school so didn't have any friends. He was a loser at university and so all the girls ran away from him. He was a loser at work so had to take take crap jobs until they sacked him. And he's still a loser now, which is why he can't get a job. This isn't anything to do with me. If he wants to know why he sucks so much, I suggest he takes a look in the mirror, assuming it doesn't crack first.'

'Thank you depression. Will the witness please step forward. Now, you have heard the evidence from the accused. What say you.'

'It's true.'

'Er, you do understand the point of a trial don't you?'

'Yes, but there is truth in what he says. I have always felt like I didn't belong, like I was always on the outside looking in. I have always felt ugly and stupid, like I always have to try harder than everyone else to be accepted because I'm not good enough. I have always felt like the ugly duckling, but in my story, he never grows up to be a beautiful swan.'

'But you found the girl and now have beautiful children of your own. And you weren't sacked, your role was made redundant.'

'Yes, I found the girl but that was when I had confidence and belief in myself. Now she's stuck with me, but luckily enough, our children take their looks from her.'

'And work?'

'Well technically I was made redundant but they obviously didn't want me.'

'So what are you saying? Depression is innocent?'

'No. There is truth in what he says but he is not innocent. I may have always felt different but I had friends at school, close friends, one of which remains my closest friend to this day. University was difficult but I understand now that this was the first time depression worked his nefarious influence, eroding all of my confidence. I shook him off when I started at work and quickly worked my way into team leader and management positions. But then he came back, fostering self doubt, causing me to question every decision I made, made my brain feel like it was operating in treacle.'

'But how do we know that this was depression's fault and not your own inadequacies?'

'Because I have learnt what I am capable of. I have learnt that I can be creative, witty, thoughtful and dynamic. I can take the lead, achieve and inspire. Depression sought to destroy this belief, driving me down into his black well until I thought I was no good for anything. Well he is wrong. I can do whatever I set my mind to. Belief comes from within. I choose to believe. He will not beat me.'

'Thank you, you are excused. Well I must say that this is one of the most clear cut cases it has been my misfortune to preside over. The witness clearly has underlying issues of confidence that he must address, however it is clear that depression has intervened at all the key moments in his life, whispering his poison into the ear of the witness. If not for depression, the witness would likely have had the confidence to achieve his ambitions and would not have required therapy nor been made redundant. It is a testament to his character that he has the strength yet to stand up to you and begin to rebuild his life.

Depression, I find you guilty. You are hereby sentenced to a lifetime of banishment, never to return.'

'He's still f...'


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