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Bulimia. The Brink of Breaking.
Posted by chelseasummer93
30th Jan 2014

Somehow, because I wasn't stick thin, because I was chubby and disgusting, I felt as if I hadn't earnt the title "Eating Disorder". Like I was a fake. Pathetic. I would frantically binge, packets of cakes, biscuits, whole blocks of cheese. Anything and everything I could get my hands on, and I would make myself sick. If anyone was in the house, I would go for a walk and be sick somewhere outside. If i struggled to be sick, I would take 15 laxatives at a time and be crippled with stomach pain. Yet, in my mind I was a pathetic amateur. I didn't need or deserve help. I had no idea what triggered these binges or how to control them, the guilt and shame were so overwhelming that whilst I was binging, in my head at the same time I was planning tomorrows diet, which would end up in a binge anyway, as no-one can commit to a diet of nothing.

I am now fully recovered. My 6 year battle over and it was all so simple. I self-helped entirely and these are the techniques I used.

After a binge or a relapse, move on from it. Leave it behind. Dwelling on it will only spark another binge, do not try to diet to counteract it.

Keep a food diary, eat well and often, take a keen interest in what you're eating, try new things and always ensure you eat 2000 calories a day no matter what. Never go below 1500. You want to be healthy and happy.

Write yourself a letter, read it when you feel as if you're going to binge, a list of all the things that are good about you, why you want to get better, how binging makes you feel, where you want to be in 5 years time.

Practice mindfulness when you feel a relapse coming on, just listen to your surroundings, go for a walk, do something with your hair, understand that there is a bigger picture here, that this problem is simply in your mind and can be overcome.

If you're feeling a tad lost or with no sense of direction, write a PDP ( Personal Development Plan) lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, volunteer, start studying, start your career or progression.

I became a carer, and it saved me. My problems were put into perspective and it was a lovely distraction in which I cared for those who needed me, I built friendships, relationships with clients, gained confidence and a sense of self worth with a new found place in society. I had been making a positive contribution. Of which I saw every morning when I looked in the mirror, rather than what I had seen previously.

There are days where I overeat, there are days when I eat healthily. But what is one day amongst the rest of your life.

No feeling is final, and thoughts aren't facts.

Keep a Diary, Divulge in hobbies, keep busy and look after your one true bestfriend, look after yourself. x

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