The Next Chapter
Posted by dirkgently1066
23rd Jan 2014

A weird feeling came over me recently. It took me a while to realise what it was, it felt so alien, so unfamiliar.

I was happy.

But this is a strange happiness. A realistic happiness.

Redundancy was hard. I am disappointed with myself in some respects for placing so much of my self worth and identity on my job. I am almost embarrassed by the depth of feeling in some of my blogs during this time. That being said, I was with them for 12 years. It is perhaps not unreasonable for the sudden, unwanted ending of such a relationship to cause one pain.

But finally, things seem to be turning in a new direction. I am about to start a new job. A temporary position, but I have hopes it will turn into more. It feels good to be stepping back into my old environment, like a pair of comfy old slippers.

A great weight has been lifted. The feelings of helplessness, impotence and emasculation are fading, to be replaced with self worth, belief and hope.

There are goals to be met yet and challenges to face. But I know I have the tools. Therapy opened my eyes, helped me to understand the negative thinking patterns I had allowed to cloud my judgement. I allowed those clouds to come back. Now they are starting to move away again but it is important that I learn the lessons of how to keep them away. How to stay out of the well. But I feel ready.

As a writer, perhaps I can express it best like this. I am the lead character in my own story. There were times when I thought the story was over. But I see now that it has only just begun. There are many more chapters yet to be written.

And I for one cannot wait to find out what happens next.

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