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Young and definitely not crazy
Posted by DearYouSincerelyMe
23rd Jan 2014

Had a dream last night. I was in a zombie apocalypse and I was in my house trying to save my cat from a two headed pit bull dog zombie that growled at me but didn't attack, I don't think in my zombie story animals attacked humans just other animals. For some reason being completely terrified of it. I kept feeding it ham out of the fridge while keeping my distance and trying to find my cat. I could not see this dog die even though all it's through all it's bad whilst risking my cats safety and my own safety for my cat.

It ended there, no bad ending and no good one, just an emptiness left unanswered.

I am a psychology student with the open university and my goal in life is to help others. I read in a story 'I am the joker, I am the funny one who always looks out for my friends. I am the sad clown, the cliche in another cliche sitting alone in a dark room'.

That's how I feel.

I currently lost a person who I'd been seeing and living with. I had to move home with an alcoholic grandmother who's cat is evil and hates my cat.
My cat somehow dislocated his hip and been in and out of the vet and is awaiting surgery.

Things are so good.

I grew up with nothing, both my parents separated and on benefits. I lived in a very messy disorganised home.
Losing this home I put so much effort in wasn't material but the first place I could relax and call home but I haven't quite lost it, I'm still liable to pay rent for several months, money I don't have and my once haven is now a hell. It's reminds me of all I worked so hard for and lost.
My cat, despite everything about cats and territory and they don't come home when hurt, he did.

Oh and as sad as my story gets, I suffer from a complete denial of S.A.D. Or any sign of emotional breakdown from the age of 18, like my mum and her mum...

I have family and friends but I don't get the support I think I need.

But back to my dream.

I only dream when I am trying to deal or most of the time suppress my anxieties.
But usually they are quite monotonous obvious storyline.

This one has a kick up the butt I need.

The two faced dog can represent my granny's evil cat. It will let me feed it then hiss and be aggressive two mins later. It could represent the guy I spent so much time with that didn't actually have proper feelings for me and didn't hesitate to leave.
My other housemate who left me high and dry with a hell for a home and a house I can't stand to be in.
My friends and family who expect me to stop feeling sad after they are bored with my troubles.

But I still feed it, I still won't give up on this 'evil' I see. Where compassion and kindness has left.
I risk my own health, my own sanity for that one thing that has stuck by me the whole time.

People deserve respect and love no matter who or what they've done. You don't know how they feel and a smile, a simple kind gesture can make all the difference. It sure makes me appreciate them because those people, perhaps like me have a lot of hardships but still smile and say good morning on the bus.

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