Here we go again!!
Posted by nlcmch
22nd Jan 2014

So, its been a while since I've been this bad- the worse part is I have no idea why I feel like this. Isn't that what most people feel? I mean I have no reason to feel low, I have a loving boyfriend (who perhaps is a bit clueless when it comes to my dark days), I have a job and a place to stay. But right now I could happily leave it all behind.

So what makes this worse than feeling blue? I was diagnosed as Bipolar when I lived in London (although when I moved to a small town about 90 miles away the new doctor didn't think it was that any more) so effectively I have been without medication for 3 1/2 years! I have been coping- my boss says I'm emotionally all over the place (which is he reasoning why I don't get a shot for promotion!) but every time I admit to work I need help nothing gets done. Work don't seem to understand that when I ask for help its because I need it not because I want the attention.

I feel like a burden to the doctor and don't want to scare away my relatively new friends. The last deep depression I had alienated me from most of my old friends (I guess they weren't really friends if they didn't stick around!). I've been with my partner for 5 years but he's still a child emotionally and you can't really have an adult conversation about savings & budgets yet alone come around to the topic of "I think I need help before I end up on the train line!"

So what did I find helped last time this happened?

Exercise-I've tried but after gaining 4 stone (which doesn't help with the depression- with a bad body image already and all that!) its difficult

Meditation- I can't even focus my attention at work for a 5 minute task, yet alone attempt to clear my mind

Silly as it sounds but the PC game The Sims helped last time ( my therapist seemed to think it was because I need control and with The Sims I can make "me" and control that life)

managed to get in with the doctor but they can only get me in in 9 days time due to being fully booked. Hopefully I'll get some help from them but if they're that busy will they have time to help another depression young adult before they become a statistic?

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