Happy New Year
Posted by CML1982
5th Jan 2014

It's the beginning of a new year. I've had a fantastic Christmas break. In a really great place mentally, and physically. it has been the first festive break, in many many years, that I've been well enough to enjoy.

Last year, I was a broken man. So lost. So frightened. I was in the depths of despair. I was hit with such low moods, that suicidal thoughts became regular visitors to my troubled mind. I had got myself out of many depressive episodes previously, but this timeI had a feeling of total defeat never before encountered. Complete hopelessness.

I look back in amazement of the change that has happened in a reasonably short period of time. I'm careful not to dwell on those dark days, or let the memories deteriorate my current mood. The past is valuable experience, a real pot of gold.

What has changed? I have changed. I took action. I sought help. I read. I acquired knowledge. I became enlightened. I got to know myself a lot better. I found the strength to apply the lessons in my life. I eradicated parts of my life which were detrimental to me. I've learned to say no. I've dropped expectations other people place on me. I find the use of the word "should" pretty disempowering in situations where it is regularly applied. I've stopped peaople pleasing. I've stopped relying on things outside of myself to make me happy. I've broke free from destructive relationships.

I've learned to stand alone. I'm my own counsel. rather than react to everything. I try my best to observe, and make decisions from that place.

Because I have changed, so too has my environments. I have moved out of many people's comfort zones. I have had to deal with a lot of conflict and opposition. I stick to my path. I forgive. I accept situations. Lovingly, I move on.

I accept i have doubts, and fears. I now use these as fuel. I try not to enegage in these thoughts. and amazingly positive thoughts override them.

Where I am, there's lots of space. It can seem tempting to slip back and return to old ways. But, I look at the bigger picture. I remember each time I didn't slip back, something amazing happened. Hard work pays off and something great is just around the corner. This gets me through some tough days.

It can seem like a constant battle. setbacks do occur. I'm not disheartened. Everything is transient. I move forward. Going from strength to strength. I feel I'm the chess player in my life, not just a piece. I'm creating the life I want to live. I feel very empowered

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