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Depression feeling lost
Posted by samashton
25th Jul 2013

Hi I have started to try and write my feeling about how I am battling with depression.

I started with depression around the age of 14 struggled with interaction with people and tried to overdose twice before the age of 16 which the mental health professionals basicly put down to attention seeking behaviour.

Had my son at 17 and had to battle to look after my son as a single parent but had a loving supportive family around suffered with mild post-natal depression but soon lifted.

I had battled with IBS symptoms from the age of 19 with I think was triggered from my parents very messy divorce at the age of 6 and also how emotionally unstable my father could be, could ever judge what mood he would be in or to not upset him incase he wouldnt speak to me over something trivial, also being a single mother working full time to support my son as he had no input from his father.

Had my 2nd child at 24 in 2010 with my husband although a lot of complications and tests needed to be done during the pregnancy born she was born healthy weight, 4 weeks after her birth my depression really set in struggling to cope, crying, couldnt concentrate, fatigue aches and pains. I decided to not go back to work and look after the children, due to the nature of my job before having my daughter would have to have worked full time and pay £700 nursery fees.

Since then due to financial instability, husband works 10 hour days to support family, but my depression has deepened to the point now where i am now taking fluoxetine, started taking in January 2013, I get very anxious and unsettled, cannot sleep properly, also have been getting OCD on how the house looks as just because i am a stay at home mother I feel I am being judged as all my other family members work. My mother understands and has been a very strong support network but my husband is struggling to cope with me to the point my marriage is on life support, and he is struggling and feeling in a very dark place, as we have a lot of money needed to be spent on different things such as our car as he works I 20 miles away and no money to fix it.

We are looking at counselling to help our relationship and also myself to discuss my issues but I feel in such a limbo im trying to be strong for my children and husband but some days just want to hide under the covers and stay there. I go through period of productiveness and determination but then all crashs in on me agin.

Feel like such a failure :(




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