brain fried
Posted by misskellyo
17th Jun 2013

Just started teaching, having just recently qualified as a celta teacher. I am not used to a job that requires actually using my brain. Its really bringing out the old demons, and testing the angels strength to fight off these insecurities. Things have a habit of getting a bit overwhelming, and the anxiety needs to spew out of somewhere ( if you will pardon the rather disgusting use of spew to describe anixety).

When I was a kid my mum used to tell me I reminded her of a character from a child's book called 'the huge bag of worries'. The plot is fairly self explanatory- the kid collects everyone elses worries ( though she doesn't realise it) in large sacks that she has to drag behind her. Toward the end of the story, her tiny frame can barely drag these heavy sacks, and it takes her mother to tell her to go through all these sacks and only keep the worries that are her own, since dragging around other peoples worries is not useful to anyone.

I feel I carry around other peoples worries not because I am a maryr, but because I am a giant sponge that simply soaks up issues of others. I have never been so aware of it as I have at this point in my life. My father, brother, mother, uncle, many friends... are all suddenly so transparent in their vulnerabilities and it hurts a lot to see them suffering. It reminds me of when I was in year 7 and we watched a documentary in Geography and whale and seal killing. It was pretty graphic for me, and I spent the next few weeks sobbing into my pillow about the plight of these animals whilst listening to sad music.

Aiii this teaching malarky will certainly toughen me up. But what i need is to maintain my empathy and compassion, but use it for good instead of letting it become a negative.

Only live once, must keep reminding myself of that.

Stare at my lego figures on the window sill and remind myself to keep things in perspective, and try my best to maintain a humorous outlook.

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