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Never Give Up!
Posted by rambling_beauty
16th Jun 2013

I walk a Fine Line

I have to do this right now... or it might not happen. I have so many things that fly through my head when the synapses are really firing - when I'm really excited or just experiencing a Bipolar high - it used to be almost impossible to distinguish but after years I have learnt how. Sometimes it's hard to stop excitement becoming sickness. And right now I have a lot of things to do. Sometimes it's really hard to stop busy becoming sickness too. I walk a fine line - but I value my sanity greatly.

So what happens when I'm excited about what is making me busy? I try really hard to keep my hand on the pulse. I take medication. Routine is my best friend. And I'm experienced enough now to know the beginnings of a high. It used to feel wonderful. But now it just scares me. Fear can be a really good thing - a lifesaver! But I don't let fear get the better of me - well not for long. I walk a fine line.

I used to be a highly motivated person, but strangely it wasn't good for me. Now I just feel lazy which also isn't good for me. It's such a fine line. I have so much i want to give to this world - now that I can. i want to help others like me - when I can. But it's hard to distinguish who is really listening, and who is taking advantage. Sadly, it always come down to that line. And how do you distinguish when a person is really sick, whether they can listen, and if they can whether they are. It's the thinnest of thin thin lines, it breaks my heart.

That's why I'm writing these thicker lines... because of how almost imperceptible those thinner lines are. I have to pull away from helping people personally when they are very sick, as I can easily get sick too. But i haven't given up. I won't. I can't. I'm just putting some distance between myself and others who deserve help desperately... but using this blog in the hopes that my fat lines can transcend the thinnest lines of all, without crossing my own line - from sanity to insanity.

I believe we can all make it if we get the right help, but the thickest lines of all are the cracks that people slip through on their way along the tightrope of a line their lives have become. It happens so easily but fixing it can seem so hard. This pains me so much, hence the distance i have put between my thin line and yours. I hope my words will be lines enough in time to help someone. Someone who doesn't even know me, but knows the lines I'm talking about. I want to help lots of people in walking their line. And everybody's line is actually a story... many of them you will find here. I hope these lines everyone is writing help you and above all make a map that meets and meets, until the cracks people are falling down become solid ground.

This is just my unedited beginning. I hope that maybe just maybe you can trace some of my lines or someone elses, to find a way to form your own line... nomatter how thin or wavering it starts... lines are easier to draw with practise. so that my 'I' becomes... joins with the 'we'...

We walk our fine lines.

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