Posted by kittycat
5th May 2013

my days are broken up into many pieces and during anyone of those pieces my mood can jump quite rapidly from feeling so high i could touch the sky to so low i feel like i have a hugh weight on my shoulders pushing me down down into the ground

it scares me how these moods shift like a wave it can start of as just a small ripple then suddenly its a giant wave rushing towards the shore and its going to crash and burn crash and break everything in its path

i get so scared of where my thoughts are leading me or want to lead me that i have to keep shouting in my head STOP STOP STOP STOP sometimes that works but not always

then there is the night to contend with sleeping brings a new horror as i get such vivid dreams that wake me and they can leave me crying out in pay at what ive lost or bring back bad memories that leave me with questions of why why why do people treat me so bad what have i done to deserve being treated this badly

i try my best to always be there for everyone i care for but i dont get treated the same way by most as they seem to rejoice in taking all from me then walking away and carrying on in there lives as if i was never even a part of it

while im left floundering around on the floor gasping like a fish

i want someone to hold me and tell me its all going to be ok

i am so weak and feel so lost

i just want to go back to sleep and not wake up to dream about how my life should be with someone that loves and accepts me just the way i am

i need to get the control back

but need a key

does anyone know where that key is i wonder

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