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When someone else is ill...
Posted by Amyc1990
18th Mar 2013

I am so used to being the ill one, the one who is in hospital, the one with the get well cards and well wishers...that last week came as a bit of a shock to me when my Mum told me my little brother was suffering with depression. I was obviously very shocked and upset. I perhaps foolishly hadn't seen it, however he is away at university and with me as an inpatient I rarely see him sadly.

I later discovered a number of things had contributed to his persistent low mood, however one thing that stuck out for me was that he was very distressed by my being in hospital. Which of course I sort of understand, my illness affects my family a lot, as I am lucky enough that they all care deeply about me. However when my dad told me he felt as if he had lost his sister, who used to be so much a part of his life, I felt so bad. I was so angry at the people who had directly caused my illness I wanted to scream, tear out my hair and hurt someone all at once but of course I did none of these things. I had a brief chat with my therapist and she helped me see sense a little and it helped to sleep on it. But this morning I woke up with a new resolve. To get better. If not for me for my little brother. Who is suffering at my hands and the hands of those who hurt me when I was younger. It pains me to say I am hurting him but I am blighting his life by my behaviour and I must change it and I will.

It is however as I said at the beginning strange not to be the only one suffering in my family (I do not claim no one else suffers, but I mean with mental illness) I feel it brings us closer by a shared bond we have that he may now understand sometimes how I feel and why. I am keen to prove to him however that I am getting better and he must too. I will do that. Show him how to stay strong and keep going, because that's what we have got to do.

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