Posted by lovelife
7th Aug 2012

what the hell is happening to me?im taking my meds its been 3 wks since my last episode,ive done the research on bipolar/mental illness then with all that happens why do i feel positive for the first time in years,i want to shout it out,dont get me wrong i still have more off those moments when you find yourself staring into space but thinking is this it?i still feel suicidal,that black hole is there ready too swallow me up when i look over the edge of that darkness its trying to pull me in like its lonely and it needs company for a while,when im in the depths of despair and its the second day off my episode its the worse day the first is when my daughter notices my mood change,on the second day both my husband and my daughter dont trust me as thats usually my worse day when im tearing us apart,self harming and wanting too die cos its the lonelyness thats makeing me feel i need to stay with my other me margaret!!!you see margaret gets awful lonely when im not around im meg the good side of me,margarets the bad lady who entices me into her world cos no one wants to keep company with her she knows exactly what my triggers are i wish she would leave me alone thats why im feeling positive right now cos between me and you im winning im takeing my meds and ive got my hubby and daughter on my side margaret has no one.

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