Finding the courage
Posted by Donski0705
8th Apr 2012

This is my second blog, but I wanted to write again. I find it easy to write, email, text I am not a talker as I've grown up believing you must keep quiet.

All my life has been a lie, I have hidden dark dirty secrets, so today I don't actually know the real me. I have lots of faces, lots of personalities but not sure which one is real. I have hidden secrets from my family, since I was 7 years old. I was sexually abused, and my mum didn't notice so I blame her, i love her, but why? Why did she leave me, why did she not notice the pain in my face? Why? I believed it was my fault, I believed I was evil, I didnt want to be special. I was now alone, my family didn't notice, I could no longer hug my mum as she would know how evil I had been, she would see I had done something really bad. So I stopped talking I stopped hugging, I stopped caring. I started to self harm, few cuts, few grazes, nothing too major just enough to hurt myself to take away the guilt I felt. I had grown up so quick, I was now hurting I was scared and alone. No one was there for me no one loved me, no one cared. I was so unhappy, I wanted to die. I wrote down ideas of how I could die, I was 7 years old, my daughters age. But I couldn't hurt my family so I thought I would stay alive, but just keep the dark secrets, no one would believe me anyway. He was my grandfather, I loved him, I adored him. He said I was his special little girl, I didn't know what that would mean then I soon found out. I didn't understand but he scared me and hurt me, what did I do? I was desperate to change and be good again, to stop him, but I didn't know how too.

This is just me, this is how my life started.

Share Email a friend Comments (2)
Recent Posts
First Ever Blog
5th Dec 2019
Struggling to keep going
23rd Nov 2019
My thoughts
18th Nov 2019
Clearing the fog
16th Nov 2019
Journey of a Wikipedian
16th Nov 2019