Behind the mask
Posted by lonely-vamp
18th Mar 2012

You smile when asked how are you today, it's easier to smile and say your ok when you live behind a mask. The days are exhausting, living a lie where you have to be so careful the outside world doesn't see the you that really is you. The tiredness and fear only show behind closed doors. Where when the world enquires what did you have for tea last night and you reply with 2 panic attacks and a pot noddle, they laugh and you laugh with them, only you know that really was what you had for tea, the same meal every night.
A world where you wear long sleeves so the world doesn't see the marks. From behind closed doors another order through ebay is sent to aquire more scalpal blades, more laxative, more abuse for a body that you hate and hide. I've done most of the self-harms, from abusing meds, alcohol, laxatives, to cutting my body ( sometimes even spelling out words with the blade, try explaining the word 'hate' carved ino your arm as an accident from fitting a carpet)
We feel so alone yet aren't alone, in a world where self hate is your only mistress, where just as the light starts to show at the end of a dark tunnel the electric meter runs out.
From behind the mask we look out, but no one ever see's what lie's behind the mask!!!!!!!!!

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