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Mental Wealth
Posted by mw13
6th Jan 2021

Mental Wealth

I pressed myself into a awkward mess
thoughts got caught in nets
depression grief and stress bought all my thoughts
til I was all but spent
It’s time for expenses to be reimbursed
we get derailed by failure
but can let off steam in all these words
we’ll be chuffed to bits when the pain ends
but until then
just know it can motivate strength
photo memory take your pick just not with a broke lense
knocked off track I trained less
I stopped living like I played dead
In a fight with hell
am I gonna get up or fight the fact I fell?
sight, hear, taste & smell
if you’re feeling this then at least it makes sense to someone else
I’m writing this feeling stupid
but we can use it to move with
it’s like dancing to music
every chance I seem to lose it
it’s stained glass when that same pain remains fresh
I couldn’t of guessed it
I always fought
with all these thoughts
thinking it was all my fault
was lonely not knowing
I was only depressed
It’s the new normal
it’s all in our heads
Mental health grief and depression need exposure now more than ever
If we all share our shielded thoughts at least there’s no way we could be lonely together
when pain falls like rain try to find hope in the weather
I’m talking to myself I’ve even wrote me a letter
dear life
i think its time that i got back to you
9 times out of 10 i’m pissed
but not like ive had a few
i’m just pissed off with a bad attitude
just know that I’m showing gratitude
if you see me in a laughing mood
i don't even know what i have to do
but even if i did
i'd do half
so i'd only leave half to do
i know i need to turn my life around
but its a lack of motivation for rotation
i'd rather find a short cut to the destinations location
because I’m missing patience
i always fear the worse in any situation
it saves your high hopes from hitting on the pavement
but the times i thought life was at its lowest
i look back to them and realise
that them times were glowing
i had everything i wanted
but i didn't know it
i only seen the bad
i didn't see what i had
now i realise what ive lost
i can see what ive got
just before I seem like I’m loosing the plot
I’ll let you know this is just a few thoughts that I musically jot
you’re probably right I’m usually wrong
my thoughts are heavy and moving is long
but my minds lit and punchlines hit
like i tripped on a bong
people are pissed
positivity these days no one wants it to exist
it just ups and exits
apart from case numbers
and dots on a list
Boris is shit
someone ask keir
what kind of opposition is this
not time for politics and tricks
it’s become a topic not worth bothering with
before it looked like it was offering wins to people outside of the political grin
realise they despise us
1 metre away fighting this virus is the only time they’ve ever stood beside us
our leaders have put the cry in this crisis left us in tier systems divided with more peaks than lifting a eyelid
the government are meant to help
but they’re detrimental to our mental health eat out to help out and the country got beat down
they’re not fighting for us
they just hijack your trust
it’s enough to make us go nuts
keep out
no more bars for these mugs
back to my thoughts and why I’m feeling so stuck
I’m lighting one up
I’m high as fuck
my eyes are tightening up
my lips and mouth are dry and my mind is winding up
i'm kinda feeling like my life is slightly fucked
so i'm lighting up to disguise the fuss
i write a line and a rhymes a must
I kinda find it hard to trust
but when it’s me and Mary j
I know we got that flame and it’s always us
I’m not bluffing i’ll stand for something I won't fool for nothing
I can carelessly care too much and I find it tough to trust but girl if its us love and lust then I'm all or nothing
She’s got my heart and she knows it
whenever we apart i feel hopeless
we’ve both felt betrayal
and both know pain
We’ve both felt the hail
and both been soaked by the rain
she’s a feather I’m a thorn
but together we can weather any storm
I love her touch
love her smell
she lifted me up every time I fell
i tried writing my wrongs without her help
and wrote a song sounding like I’m dissing myself
i needed a vision to tell
so when i looked in a mirror
and my reflection told me to go to hell
i thought oh well its only
depression the session i know so well
complaining but I’m not giving up I’m all in
but I feel like I’m falling
I feel like I’m failing
feel like if I felt like falling I’d fail to fall
but if I fell would that be a fail as well?
it’s hard to tell
a fear of failure feels real as hell
but I try to recall the thoughts of when I was small
failing to fall isn’t failing at all
nowadays feel like I was only high fiving myself
should I give up praying at all
I’m sitting there
feeling like the devil’s been listening in
when I’m whispering my prayers
He’s putting traps down everywhere
life’s a tiled floor and I can’t step on any square
I can’t seem to put a foot right anywhere
I’m giving my all
hoping for hope that’s never there
life’s raw it’s extra rare
we don’t deserve what we’re served
it’s never fair
we don’t know what’s around the corner
the circle of life has become a square
we’ll get there once we realise damaged doesn’t always mean beyond repair
faith seems broke
but I’m chasing hope
time passes but the pain don’t
I’m reminiscing what I’m missing
I’m feeling like a insane bloke
I’m stuck in pain broke
just tryna chase hope
stuck in a daze full of old fear
it only seems couple of days ago
but its been over a whole year
It don’t get easier missing someone you hold dear
for anyone with scars in their hearts
and their minds of the harshest kind
missing anyone just try to remember
we’re not that far behind
we’ll meet in dreams
but faith still seems hard to find
I think faith’s escaped me
I’m feeling so low lately
I’m feeling solo lately
It takes time
I’m healing
but so so slowly
I’m still chasing hope
still hoping I don’t go crazy
out of luck I’m stuck
in a confusing losing streak
my thoughts are deep
it can be cool
but it’s cruel with grief
my impression of getting through this depression and grief would be
I can imagine and I want to believe
the relief I’ll achieve will be a moment technology couldn’t possibly teach
i’ll metaphorically reach
a mountain peak
but right now I’m down beneath
without a way to climb to find a way out this weakened mind
its a steep decline
still i seem to find
thoughts of the deepest kind
it’s like life’s tide
I’m coming back for more
life’s a beach
my thoughts are sand
I’ve never been so shore
fighting with your own mind
is like having a mind inside war
you’re not even on your own side
but nobody really is no more
we’re all fighting thoughts
waging war and finding faults
minds are skilled at building forts
but the way I deal with pain could help you heal yours
even a mate could relate
check the lines it’s family rhymes
it could help them with the damage they hide
I’m not here to bring anyone down
that’s gravity’s fight
I only wana see dots in a box like they’re planning to type
we get by without real shields in site
we’re just shielding sight
it’s time we revealed real life
with what we write
that’s why I rhyme like it’s sport
I play with words I try to find faith in myself that I never had before
then I’ll know for sure that faith has been forged
It’s the faith I’ve been searching for
and working towards
we’re not here to be hurt or ignored
not deserving awards
but even when our confidence is worse than before
we’re going for goals like we’re certain to score
any time of day
the time escapes when the rhyme relates
because it’s not always a smiley face when your mind is wide awake
thoughts are deep
it can be cool
but it’s cruel with grief
I’m finding faith in fighting fate
against the odds despite the craze
I’m finding ways to remind my brain that I’m kinda sane
I’ve flowed a daze and rode the waves pre covid days
smokey notes wrote on a page
show and illustrate thoughts can go into flows that flow into flames
that burn through the hurt and the pain
instead of pulling the curtains closed on the stage or leaving a note like Cobain
I won’t just moan and complain
when you have hope you then notice change
carrying grief and depression makes an impression you feel a fool and it gets in the way
but use pain as your fuel
and you’ll never fall again
admiring rhyming trying to fight and inspiring change
trying to provide escapes to minds in chains
it’s never too late for time to wait
when the rhyme relates
the purpose is worth it
can bring hope to the surface
we’ve just got to word it
life’s rough the textures absurd
life’s lectures observed
i’m perfecting my work and collecting my worth before I rest and I burn
life’s a lesson not worth guessing but learned
its patterns of life
what happens
what might
what catches our mind
like wind with a kite
what holds it tight
the battles the fight
what’ve we lost
what’s said goodbye
remember the words I wrote
and I write
a bird would never of met the sky
if it never had hope it would get to fly
this is beginning to feel my typical tone
It’s a difficult zone
This is mental health
it feels physical though
friends were meant to help
instead of calling me miserable bro
I know I’m a difficult bloke and I’m living a ghost
I just want to be given some hope
but nothings forgiven and I’m just given some rope by those that I thought would of give me their vote
life’s going down hill I’m on a slippery slope
can’t catch a break I’m just ridiculously broke
the world’s in my way that’s the way of the world
It’s like I’m tripping over a globe
but give in I won’t
I’m not missing the show
I got a wizardry flow
with this shit that I wrote
most will sink in
but to some it just won’t
my off the top’s
are like I’m skimming a stone
I don’t care who’s at the top
like dead fish they just float
I’m on the tips of my toes
like I’m skipping a rope
Im hitting the bag
with the riz and the roach
then I disappear in the smoke
grief is proof of love
believe the truth
see it true
it’s impossible to see it through
we’ve got forever yet
from whenever they left
we’re all in tiers
but some will say they’ve never wept
some of my best possessions are memories kept
empathy is strength if you let it be
strength is hereditary blessed
just remember that’s a legacy left
we’re all dreaming of healing
dealing with feelings
rhyming and scheming
grew up quick all our roots were scenic
now we’re not showing what we’re going through so nobody sees it
don’t keep it to yourself like you need it
filters on life to try to face the days
the only shame is
grief doesn’t just fade away
In fact
hiding pain and finding blame in your mind is fake but we still carry this rubbish like bin bags
one life in this game don’t forget to play
that’s the way i gave up trying to even try again
I gave up trying to even try for gains
until I picked up a pen to write
and made flames from out the pain
don’t worry the ends in sight
authentic eyes I realise
looking at wasted days
was just a wasted daze
hope’s in a maze lately
it’s happened through time
as history and nature reminds
today we can fly
even though a feather doesn’t float
we thought we could try
I wrote that on a paper plane
not really knowing
wether the weather’s Hope
or mainly pain
because it’s
Dark clouds rainy days
Sharp sounds and lightning flames
as the sky screams violent pains
Water drops on window panes
along roads and into drains
puddles form as it pours
that’s my mind is it yours
it ain’t even rained today
it ain’t even rained today
we can’t escape the downpours of it anyway
the strange pain still don’t seem to fade away
life’s a dangerous game to play
look at all the talent that goes to waste
every day we’re made to pray
for the ones not here today I’ll say it bold
we could be made of solid gold
but worth nothing if we’re not involved
it’s time we find ways to be kind
as a way to problem solve
It’s time we used our minds to evolve
find a way of showing warmth
instead of just being cold
not just help the ones we know
respect protect and let each other grow
then the weather’s hope
I hope to know forever
that people really never go
remember the better moments
and everything we’re ever shown is never over
they never pass away only pass on
I hid from the world when my nan died I
i felt like I lost life myself when John passed on emotions got tricky I’ve never been so torn pain was the only thing that felt real even going fishing felt wrong
I could write a book each day of the week for what they did for me
but this isn’t the song
I lost so many pillars of life it’s no wonder why the structure wasn’t so strong
building myself back up
life was moving along
I was doing my best to improve what I could by the time that I’m gone
I wish I carried on like the rhyme that I’m on
then life went bang
I tried my best to care for gramps
I wasn’t there for thanks
it was love and just respecting rank
we did everything we possibly could
took extracts from plants
we relieved pain
but that wasn’t just the plan
our aims were much bigger than that
So when he passed on
all I felt was pain and hail
from the fail we had
we’ll see him again
with hope it feels like that
he’s passed on so much to the fam
he lives on through us all
all over the gaff
in England and Wales he has people flying his flag
it wasn’t until lockdown I that I clocked on just how much strength was in the fact
a lost loved one lives on through me and you
I didn’t see it like that
until my bro was building decking out the back
he did it good
it took second
to take second look
it was like I was watching gramps cutting wood
reminded me we should
appreciate the now
instead of ending up regretting the times we could
I need to have hope
or the future just scares me
I’d rather have them stay but if they can’t then I’ll accept this pain rather than ever faking being carefree
f*** the embarrassment
now any encountered struggle
don’t really amount to f*** all in comparison
still pain is felt
I wrote to try to show how grief and depression’s sometimes stealth
I wish we didn’t need these times to tell
but in the long run it can also be a collection belt of mental wealth
it’s another thing they left to help

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