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my battle
Posted by letitoutloz
19th Oct 2020

*TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of self-harm and suicide*

Hi, I’m Lauren from Sheffield and I am a mental health blogger.
I was diagnosed officially at 16 with anxiety and depression after trying to seek help for 3 years prior. I was not put onto any form of medication until I turned the age of 18 after try several times to be put on them just after diagnosis.
During this time, I experienced manic episodes which lead to harmful actions. This includes heavy self-harm and suicide attempt. And these actions continued after my 18th birthday also. It was a way for me to be in control of my pain and being able to inflict it on myself seemed logical at the time. Not by any means am I adverting to perform these actions on yourself, but it is a way in which I taught myself to do when having a sever episode of depression to help with my emotional pain. It is made it harder now not to inflict pain on myself because that is my initial thought after doing it for so long.
I have broken down may relationships because of my illness and not understanding it and pushing it aside for so long. My hobbies which I used to love are no longer desirable as the demons in my head tell me it is a waste of time and I’m no good. Having mental Health issues should not affect an individual becoming successful in any career.
But its normal to fall into bad old habits it does not take away of how strong you are and how far you have come. We punish ourselves enough every sing day so don’t dwell on things longer than you must, you’ve paid your price.
I’m using my story, my illness to make a difference for mental health sufferers. I will one day be a mental health advocate and I will one day make a difference.
Its okay not to be okay.

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