Suicide Survivor Story
Posted by hope2020
23rd Jun 2020

Hi let me first introduce myself my name is Charlotte,

During lockdown I set up my own online only non-profit support and advice group for those who are battling common mental health problems such as anxiety and depression it is called HOPE. On my website I have created a members chat, forum and a messaging service to allow people to gain access to a person to talk to about what is on their mind, seek advice and experiences with each other to help support each other and offer advice. On my website I have also attached self-help guides, therapeutic methods and links to professional advice and support information and contact details of charities that support those with mental illness such as SANE, rethink, MIND, mental health foundation and imagine. I will also be doing lots of fundraising events for these charities at the moment it will be a lot of online stuff due to lockdown but once it is eased we will be doing lots of fundraising events in the local communities. please check out my website and please share with friends and family We welcome anyone to our site and encourage you to sign up as a member.

I was inspired to do this because in October 2019 my dad took his own life after a battle with his mental health he experienced some stressful events in his life that led to a big decline in his mental health which led to him being sectioned under the mental health act back in may 2019 and diagnosed with psychotic paranoid depression, serious anxiety and acute PTSD. My dad spent just over a month in hospital and when he came home he was never the same man again he was anxious all the time and felt completely worthless. I watched a strong, confident, larger then life, funny man change into a person I did not recognise he went into himself, didn't smile anymore, didn't laugh anymore, didn't show any emotion at all just pure sadness, hurt, and silence and he had no self-worth at all he would constantly say he wasn't good enough, he let us down, he was a burden, he was useless he couldn't find one single thing good about himself and it broke my heart because I could have told him a million things good about himself thats for sure.

Months went by with little improvement and in September 2019 my mum caught him ready to take his own life and had to wrestle him to stop him she then had to fight him to take him to hospital he was then again sectioned for one week! he convinced us all that he had made a silly mistake, he didn't want to die and it was his medication that made him do it and he was sorry, he was very convincing and we were so naive. A few weeks went by and my dad seemed to make improvements he got his motivation back, he started doing things around the house, everytime I spoke to him he was in good spirits and he even started cracking some jokes and I sae him smile again I honestly was so happy I couldn't believe how much he had improved and I thought yes he is going to recover from this how wrong good I be.

Things started to improve a lot so mum attended an event she had planned for along time which involved an overnight stay and she felt comfortable to leave my dad for one night as he was in good spirits and she was coming back early the next morning. When my mum returned the next morning she found my dad had passed away he had taken his own life.

The pain I felt that day has no words and it is one of the most painful things I have ever experienced in my life and I hope I never feel like that again. I have lost people in the my family but the grief you feel when losing someone through suicide is indescribable you feel anger, hate, guilt, confusion and sadness all at the same time you feel lonely like the walls are closing in around you and I dont remember much of that day all I remember is being in pain in my heart in my bones my body just hurt. My dad was not fully aware of the help and support that was available and I am sad that this was the case so I created HOPE to allow people access to this information more thank you for reading and remember you are NOT ALONE.

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