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Posted by megk
18th May 2020

I had a good upbringing, although my parent divorced when I was young, I grew up in a very privileged family and had mostly all that I wanted. Well, apart from the love of my father.

My father was on and off with a woman who is now his wife, for 10 years. When he proposed to her on Christmas Day in front of my younger brother and I in 2015, we didn't know what to do with ourselves. Being the oldest I had always protected my brother, so I had to stay strong, but when he asked me 'What the hell are we going to do now?', all I wanted to do was cry ad beg dad to tell us what he was doing.

You see, for the past 10 years before this proposal, my dads partner used to beat my brother, lock him in a room all weekend so h could not eat or use the loo. She used to tell my Dad my brother deserved it and he made her do it. She blamed her bad moods on her monthly periods, and my dad always believed her and told us to be understanding of how she felt. Every weekend we were with Dad it was just a matter of time until she blew up over nothing, and she was hitting or screaming at my brother and my Dad was at the sidelines watching her do it. As I got older I stood up to her, and she made her fair few attempts at me. We heard many conversations between her and Dad, her telling Dad he's better off without us and him saying noting. We even over heard her on the phone to friends and family about how she was going to kill us and tell my Dad that we made her do it.

Then one day, I was 16 and my brother was 14, she was going on at dad and threw a wine glass at him. She was attacking my brother with a chair and I was standing in the door way, shaking and unable to breathe. Her daughter was at the side crying. I decided I could no longer stand it, so I grabbed hold of her and shouted in her face to stop. Shockingly enough she did, right after she slapped me. I took my brother and step-sisters hands, and we ran to the straw shed, we used to hide out most weekends. I phoned my Mum, and she said she was phoning the police.

15 years later they are still together and my father and I now no longer have contact. She got what she wanted. My brother, I am proud to say is still in my Dad's life, once he turned 18 she couldn't face a tall man anymore. My Dad's words of hate to me echo in my head everyday, and some days are better than others. But I have an amazing family, partner and circle of friends that have my back and understand me. If it wasn't for them, I don't know if honestly, I'd be here now.

What really saved me, and saves me everyday that I feel low, is running. I found it three years ago when my grandfather, who I was very close with, died. Three years on, and I am happier, with my down days, but also with my happy days, and that is thanks for running. I share my running journey on my own blog and have a lot of love from it, which helps me get through my struggle more and more.

I guess my point here is, if you are struggling, talking about it is the best way forward. But so is exercise. It strengthens the mind and the body and the soul, all things we need to move forward and live happy lives, and not get swallowed up in those that make your life hard, but to make the most of those who do love you.

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