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First Ever Blog
Posted by aliciaabriles
5th Dec 2019

Hi. I'm not really sure where I want to start with this as I've never written a blog before, but I hope that what I have experienced can help someone else. I've been living with extreme (well what I feel is extreme) for almost four years now. I've always been a worrier (my parents always referred to me as the youngest "grandmother" they ever knew). However, when I got pregnant with my second son (my boys are 18 months apart), it went from having stomach aches before the first day of the teaching the new school year to feeling every single thing happening in my body and thinking I was going to die. It went from getting a scratch to bumping your head and assuming you were going into a coma. It went from having a cold and just needing some medicine to lifting a dish, feeling a muscle in my chest, and rushing myself to ER. Everything was a crisis. Everything was an emergency. Everything was the end of the world. I then started doing it to my children. If I noticed something that was off (and that something was always nothing- but I would make it something), I couldn't help but checks several times that nothing was actually wrong. But was it?

I had a really hard time getting past the "What If?" I would have a panic, be able to calm myself, but then the panic would return because of that "What if?" The panic would return and then some. Can anyone else relate? I've gotten a lot better about controlling those "What if" thoughts- I can't control the thoughts per sť, but I can control how my mind reacts to them.

I have a million stories that I can share that hopefully you would laugh at as I do laugh at them now, but certainly didn't at the time. I try not to take myself too seriously anymore and think of my weaker moments as "me being me moments."

I have a much better grasp on handling my anxiety when it comes to myself, but I still worry about my children and my husband- it's still pretty paralyzing. I'm hoping that one day it will get easier- and it's still exhausting having daily sometimes hourly battles with myself that I'm not actually in crisis. But I think I'm doing ok! I hope you all are too. I like to think I'm living now with anxiety and not suffering from it. I also try not to get too down on myself when I have a really bad day as those do still happen, but they happen to everyone too- not just people with mental health issues. It doesn't mean you're losing battle. You are strong, no matter how tired you are. Keep on working, keep on fighting.

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