Clearing the fog
Posted by lettie
16th Nov 2019

Hello, My name is Colette I am gone try to explain my life, of some events that has damaged me and effected my mental health.
I am a 41 year old single mum, raising a 9 year old boy who as traits of ADHD.
I lost my dad when I was 7 years old, and have been depression most all of my life, I struggled eating disorder in my teens, any my early twenties I was suicidal luckily I am still here, I was sleep waking in my friends house and feel down the stairs I hade clot in my brain and had a brain operation and died twice, then in went into to a comma for 6 weeks. Very luckily I woke up the my speech was damaged and were weak on the right side of my body, I had speech therapy for 2 years but I was diagnosed Epilsecy and Dyspraxia, that had effected me it takes longer to understand and comprehend.
I had 3 nervous breakdowns the nearest was last year, I have the signs of PTSD.
I realised last year after flashbacks of my child hood and my past, having nightmares of someone was trying to kill me, that person has no face. I was emotional abused, my abuser was my mum!!
She is a covert narcissistic abuser, she lied about everything I think she forgets what the has lied about, and she is a manipulator for all of her children. I have cut her off of my life but I still have doubts and still feel guilty its all my fault, a younger brother I cut him off, as I believe he is like her, I cannot be around him.
I have been researching the covert narcissistic abuser from mothers and daughters, I feel half of me as I se the traits of the behaviour and I know it is true, but half of me I can't me be true. I feel no one will believe any thing I say, as most people around her love her like she is amazing.
I am seeing a psychotherapy after Christmas to help me to understand why and the origin of my abuse. Right now I am struggling with my depression, my anxiety, insomnia, I have brain fog and have panic attacks depended where I am and who around me. I have been diagnosed for IBS, I have to me careful what I eat, when I have been down I have a tight stomach, or stomach ache, or pains, or tension headaches all at once. These is all come from thinking of talking or writing about my mum.
I know it will get worse before it gets better. The best thing that happened to be was having my son, he keep me sane.
I reading the bog of about my life that happened to me, it is overwhelming but I am still standing, I will
show her I do not need her. It was not my fault want happened.

Thankyou for reading!!

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