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My War With Myself
Posted by gothicsyn
3rd Nov 2019

I've been doing this since I was 9 years old, the constant cycle of breaking down, putting myself together and breaking down all over again. I'm 36 now and I'm tired, Every time I build something worth being happy with, those memories surface and I go into self destruct mode, to bring a cautiously built house of cards crashing down around me.

It used to be OK, I'd inevitably survive and start the cycle again, but this time the collateral damage is too much, I hurt too many people I actually care about, and the one person who's had my back for the 13 years despite my tendencies for self destruction, this time I don't know if there's a way back, and if there is I cant see it right and that hurts like nothing I have ever experienced.

We were happy, not in a good place granted but we were happy, and now our world has been ripped apart, and the worst part is I know why, not because of her, or where were but him, the guy that shattered my life when I was just 9 years old.

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