Diary Entry October 19th 2019
Posted by darkana1999
19th Oct 2019


Things have changed since I last posted.
My boyfriend found out about the calorie counting and has threatened me with making me move back in with my Mum if I don't stop with the anorexic behaviours. It's so unfair!! I can't control it!!! I've started not eating unless I have to and I'll exercise whenever I can to burn the calories. Work is the easiest as I'm on my feet for hours at a time. I've also thrown food away so that I only have a small calorie intake.

He's also sworn to tell my Mum everything if I end up self harming again. Ever since he's said that, the urges to do it feel stronger than ever! It's physically painful and I'm so close to giving in. As it's getting colder now in the UK, I can get away with wearing pyjamas to bed.

On a lighter note, I have started a gratitude journal that I have kept up for the past 5 days. I write about anything I'm grateful for, anything good that happened that day or anything I had achieved. It helps, but it doesn't take the pain away quite like cutting does.

I'm also working on a personal blog where I share my story with Depression with others so that maybe I can give advice or help others who are going through the same things I am. The first post will be a Q&A with my Mum about being a parent of a child with a mental illness. I'll let you know how it goes.

See ya,
Dark Ana x

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