Unhappy still
Posted by
13th Dec 2011

I should be happy, because I have an amazing fiancee who I'm getting married to next year, a nice flat in a nice part of town and a steady job doing something I spent four years at two colleges studying. Despite all of that I still for some reason feel unhappy, and have even contemplated killing myself.
My girlfriend truly is amazing. She's the smartest, sexiest, most intelligent, and funniest woman I ever met.
I get on better with Vicki better than anyone else in my life and feel like I can tell her anything. Despite all this
I still wonder if I really do want to spend the rest of my life with her or if I shouldn't have more fun with other women first? After years of going red if a girl looked at me let alone talked to me I know have the confidence to chat and flirt with nearly any woman I meet. This confidence though is due to Vicki, because I know I can make women laugh and like me enough to go out with me as she is proof of this!
I like where we live, the rent is quite a lot (for me) and takes up a lot of my salary but it is worth it. Im more concerned about the future and moving to Madrid in a year or two as Vicki wants. I know it would be a great experience living in Spain, because I really like the country, her family and friends. Plus the lifestyle is much more laid back which suits me and one things for sure the weather would be better!
The reason Im not 100% sure about emigrating to Spain is because I would miss my family and friends & I worry about the language barrier too. I can speak some basic Spanish, but not enough to live on.
My career is the hardest question, because I'm 32 and I still don't really know what I want to do for a living. Ive never had a career plan so have fallen into many different things from working in a care home, to doing charity telephone fundraising, selling business insurance for a bank and most recently Graphic Design. If we move to Madrid it will fundamentally limit the jobs I can take unless I become fluent in the local lingo. Part of me would like to forget about paying rent, for a wedding etc and go to Africa or somewhere else where the people are really poor and I can do something really worthwhile. But doing that I could lose everything!

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