Posted by cwmd1
14th Jun 2019

There have been so many times that I have felt hopeless, from really little things that after a bad day make me feel like "yep all is lost" to real big things. I suppose the good news is that although sometimes we can feel really hopeless at the time, things start to appear not quite as bleak as they first looked and that feeling of hopelessness passes. But when things happen - real big sad, emotional, traumatic events - how much harder it is to look for hope when everything seems lost. How can we ever hope again?

When things were tough I always used to try to look for something positive, that silver lining. But when I lost a loved one, (and at the time I had no idea) one of the worst things to happen to me - apart from the shock, grief, loss, fear, loneliness (oh the loneliness) was the fact that all sense of hope was gone too. I even fell out with hope. Sounds daft doesn't it but it is true. I had put my faith in you hope and where were you? I felt when I really needed hope it left me. It let me down when I was at my most vulnerable.

I am still recovering and I have accepted that this will take time, but after opening up and finally going to therapy I began to understand that hope never really went away. Hope doesn't go away. It walks with us even when we truly believe it has gone and it is never coming back. Life can be really cruel to us sometimes and try as we might, we just can't control that. But the hope we thought we had doesn't go. It just changes. The hope is - that things will, in time, if we accept and allow it, will slowly step by step get better than what they were, are or will be.

Hope has not gone. It is our faith in hope that has been knocked, scarred, bruised and that's ok to acknowledge that. In fact for me, I think it's a really good thing to be honest and say that because something bad has happened and I personally think everyone has a right to feel and express when they are sad, struggling. It is a normal human emotion isn't it? Of course it must be perfectly natural to loose hope when all seems lost,we are walking through terrible pain. But I'm learning that the one light in the darkness is we may not see hope as we want to in that moment, in that time, and we may not feel we have it back straight away, but it is there if we want it. And if we want it, we can start to rebuild our faith in hope again. Hope is walking beside us, waiting for us to reach out and talk to it again when we are ready.

Share Email a friend Be the first to comment on this blog