My Secret Struggle
Posted by alicet
31st May 2019

My secret struggle – by Alice I am a really happy person. I adore my job, I have amazing friends, a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful dogs and 2 cats… Yet, I also suffer from a debilitating PTSD style anxiety disorder. This disorder was triggered by traumatic events surrounding close bereavements.However, having suffered from anorexia as a teenager and bulimia as an adult until very recently, I am also aware that these conditions are linked to anxiety and panic attacks.Every single morning is a real struggle, yet my job gives me a reason to keep going. I teach fun exercise for over 60’s able and disabled people, 6 days a week. The people who come to my classes are an inspiration and lift my spirits and make me really happy. I also entertain at Dementia care homes 4 times a week, something else that inspires me. Seeing people enjoy the music, sing and sometimes dance along to the songs is incredibly rewarding and I always come out feeling uplifted.I am good at hiding how I feel, high functioning anxiety I believe it is called, yet at times I become incredibly overwhelmed. This past Christmas was one I did not think I would get through after feelings had built up from being abused for months by someone I know; I don’t think I would have got through it without my amazing husband Marek. I have found Mindfulness incredibly helpful with those dark thoughts and helpless feelings. After completing many Mindfulness courses, I now teach Mindfulness once a week. I have to practice what I teach the class, so this again has helped tremendously, especially with night time attacks… Things are tough at the moment for various reasons, yet with a wonderful husband, and having the people who come to my class in my life, I see the glimmer of light at the end of the tunnel when I am with them. Please don’t suffer alone, no matter how bad you feel please tell someone. As Ruby Wax always says, Many people do not understand mental health problems unless they experience it themselves. So be careful who you confide in but do confide in someone. There is so much media exposure now with well known people admitting to mental health problems, anxiety conditions and depression. There is help out there, mindfulness was the way for me. It may help you too x I also swim competitively to raise money for charity, this also helps with my anxiety.

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