My story
Posted by charliem
26th May 2019

So you've clicked on my blog!?


Nice to me you,
I'm 18 years young
I live in a little town outside London
And this is MY story

All of these things start the same don't they? 'When I was younger I knew I was different' or 'I never really fit in with the other kids' well truth be told that wasn't me. I had a normal childhood and never experienced anything traumatic, I never got bullied, I never had abusive parents. I was normal.
When I was two I suddenly developed alopecia universalise which is a virus that attacks your hair and nails. It's caused by a weakened immune system which then causes your hair to fall out. At two years old I had no idea what was happening, but I was too young too understand. Nevertheless, I really didn't care if I had hair or not. I started school and being a small town my year was made of around 40 students. We were like one big family.
As I grew older I did start to notice ALL the other girls and boys have hair and I didn't yet, I still wasn't affected by this. After I moved to my middle school i did feel a little intimidated by the older kids but soon enough my first two years flew by. During year 7 I found myself a little more, who I was and what I wanted to do. I was smart and had good friendships around me. However that year I started to act out and play up a bit which led me to many trips to the headteachers office. Towards the end of that year I felt my mood slip occasionally I was hitting puberty so that was a difficult time emotionally anyway. I didn't take much notice. I don't know what led me to it but one night I felt so low that i self harmed for the first time. It was an odd sensation. I didn't know why I wanted to do it of even why I thought of doing That but THIS, was the start of my mental health
Knowing that I had done something that no one could know about was almost exciting. It was MY secret, my way to cope no one could take away from me. I didn't see what was so wrong about it if it helped but I knew this wasn't normal. People didn't just cut themselves. I continued to self harm during the rest of my time at middle school without anyone finding out.
September 2010 I went to upper school where my mental health issues came into play. During year 9 my behaviour was terrible. My grades dropped and I wasn't the same person. On top of my self harm and trouble making I started to restrict my food intake but cutting down on snacks. Fizzy drinks, portion size and I also exercised multiple times a day. I was loosing weight and focusing on the number on the scale I couldn't help it. It distracted me from feeling anything else. I wanted to keep going, so I did. Starting my GCSEs my behaviour wasn't as out of control and I started to focus. Self harm and restricting had become my main coping mechanism. Although my behaviour had calmed down my mood shifted like crazy everyday. Soon one of my subject teachers became unnerved and confronted me. She had seen me being distracted and not myself she asked me what was going on, if I was ok? At the time I didn't know how to answer those questions, because truth be told. I had no idea. Even if I did how could I explain something I didn't understand.
ps. I ran into this blog and its helped me so far with my anxiety

That was the first real time I had felt wanted. Listened to. It was the first real time I felt like someone cared. Until that moment my weight loss and self harm had gone relatively unnoticed or maybe just ignored. It's funny Every time I tell my story I remember that she was the reason I got help. She is the reason I'm here today. The reason I am able to share my story. I will never forget the moment she asked if I was okay because honestly I has changed my life and will forever keep changing my life. When ever I dipped, slipped up I remember why I started.
My story doesn't stop here. In fact it has only just begun. Make sure you read my next blog page! To be continued.

Share Email a friend Be the first to comment on this blog