What's In A Name?
Posted by cwmd1
17th May 2019

Do you have a name for your anxiety? I had never thought about this before but I watched a programme the other night and people were calling their anxiety a monster.

I have to be honest, I have never thought of my anxiety as a separate entity, I have always seen it as part of me. That makes it worse for me as I am always (and I do mean always) criticising myself for everything I do from little things all the way up the charts to the big important stuff. For me, seeing this anxiety as just another part of me makes it so much worse as it is another thing to blame myself for - another failure, another thing I am getting wrong and I just cannot do anything right.

How can I see anxiety as something that is not a part of me when it has been with me for as long as I can remember? How can I change my inner most habitual feelings/instincts about it when I have felt about myself this way my whole life?

Seeing other people looking at their anxiety as a separate thing - a monster - has been a real revelation to me. At the moment I cannot comprehend, yet I really really want to believe that this horrible, nasty anxiety isn't in fact coming from me, from my personality, it is coming from anything else but me. It has come from things outside me; it has been caused by things that have happened to me. I have always assumed and accepted that I create the anxiety and it has been with me since birth and it is part of my make up. I question now though - has it in fact (please let me be correct here) got nothing to do with me? It is what has happened and not something I have caused and created? After all, at no point have I ever asked for anxiety. Dare I really hope to strive to believe that this whole anxiety thing has not, in fact, ever been my fault? I did not cause it? It is not my responsibilty? I am not to blame?

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