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The drug dichotomy
Posted by depresseddebs
14th May 2019

Without the pills I feel alive
My senses are heightened
My nerve ends on fire.
The trees are greener,
The air smells so sweet,
The sun on my skin
And the waves at my feet.
And yet...my emotions rise up,
My feelings are raw,
My head in a dark place,
Cannot take any more.
The pain is intense
Though no-one can see
The torment and nightmare
That's swallowing me.
When I take the drug
It numbs me, I know,
My life is a flatline,
No high and no low.
Just a smooth, even ride
With no bumps in the road,
But I feel anaesthetised,
Just go with the flow.
No anger, no passion,
No love and no hate,
Just floating through life
Sealed tight in a crate.
So do I forfeit the pills
And feel more alive,
But cope with the feeling
Of longing to die?
Or swallow that tablet
At the start of each day?
To make life seem bearable
Seems the sensible way.
To sort out my head,
Find another way to cope
And feel truly alive
Is a great (scary) hope.
So I go to counselling
And I talk and I think,
Perhaps one day my feelings
Won't cause me to sink.
I'll feel in control
Not heavy but light
And there WILL be a dawn
After this long painful night.

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