Schizophrenic Pasts
Posted by silvia98
11th Apr 2019

I have just read a blog about schizophrenia and I believe we should open this conversation and stop being afraid and ashamed of everything that happened, of the delusions we had to overcome to come back to reality. I am afraid and I am sick of being afraid that everything I do is a fake and unimportant and irrelevant thing just because it is labeled as schizoprenia. A foreign world and word for most people. Just because people are scared and trying to intimidate me into not caring about my own experiences, into abandoning myself and trying to find something new to hold on to, completely new, completely un-schizoprhenic. And when I say people I sadly say my family, which abandoned me. Without my family, unfortunately, I would have been happier. Without their abuses I could probably have been happy. It's time to fight for my chance to live. It's time to try to leave them behind, it's time to try to explain to myself it was not my fault. To know i didn't stand a chance against adults who believed they had every right to abuse me in every possible way. It's time to say my good byes, it't time to see that it's time not to leave me and my emotions and my anger and my fear aside, but to distance myself from them and perhaps make them know of feel at some point that they didn't deserve my tears, my despair. IT's time to grow up and grow strong and to realise that those that should have been afraid and ashamed of what they did to me are my own parents. It's time to see that they intimidated me into not caring about myself and what I thought and wanted. IT's time to see they used all their authority to destroy me. That they enjoyed my illness. Because it made me silent, and made the others distance themselves from me. It's time to finally step out for me and understand that what I should do is try to get what I need to get in order to never ever depend on them again. It's time to overcome the ilness and the isolation and the disbelief and the abuses, it's time to move on.

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