We Are Not Failures
Posted by cwmd1
23rd Mar 2019

I know, I really do, that you don't have to have a mental illness to sometimes feel like a failure. But feeling a failure a lot of the time can be part of something and it is unfortunately one of my symptoms.

I really do wish I could say I only rarely feel like I am failing but that would not be true. If I am being honest I pretty much feel like a failure at least part of every day. It may be something small but actually come to think of it, it is the lots of small feelings of failure that build and build that make me feel like one big one. Maybe feeling not being a good enough parent, not being supportive enough to my own parent, not being a good enough friend, rubbish cook, awful organiser, generally a selfish person, etc etc endless list I could go on and on. Can you relate? Oh my goodness isn't it exhausting? I had a real feeling of failure this week and it got me thinking.

When I raise my head above the parapet and things don't work out it really knocks me back. I take it very personally, my confidence is knocked, my self esteem can be found sobbing on the floor, and I automatically blame myself. It's me, my fault entirely, I am so rubbish. Why bother trying I am so no good.

Why do we continually beat ourselves up? I have asked myself this lately. I know there are lots of reasons the brain reacts this way, but I wonder that one the many reasons is habit. But why have I got into this habit of being so self critical? Would I do this to a friend, a relative, a colleague? No way. Don't we owe it to ourselves to stop too? I wish it could be as easy as just deciding to stop and that inner critical voice just goes away, but I do have hope that it is possible to manage that negative voice.

I have decided to try to consciously start to remember that it is the trying that matters not simply a successful outcome. The journey is important. I am going to start to make a positive effort, every time I have that negative voice to remind myself

I am doing the best I can.
It may turn out great, it may be a mess, but I am trying and that is good enough.
We are good enough.

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