Talking Seems To Be The Hardest Word
Posted by cwmd1
27th Jan 2019

It was about four years ago now that I had had the revelation that I was not just a "worrier" but there was something more. And it was then I first went into therapy. It was absolutely the best thing to do and I would recommend therapy to everyone. To me, therapy is no different for our mental health, than going to the gym for our physical health. In fact, what the heck I think everyone should have a therapist!

But why, even after knowing that its great, the benefits are amazing am I so nervous about heading back in to therapy? I stopped a year ago, and well lets say this past year has been stressful (can you relate?) and now I can see the signs that my mental health needs some tlc and support, I have put myself back into therapy. And I feel nervous. Nervous about letting all that is currently just between me and my anxious, worried, overwhelmed brain come out and actually be spoken, out loud in the world to someone I don't yet know. Its the fact I suppose that its only when we actually talk, out loud to a therapist, friend, relative, colleague, cat, that it all becomes real. And the mental illness really is real, and yes, I am this vulnerable, scared, fragile person and I need help. Isn't asking for help so bloomin hard sometimes? Yet it is one of the most important things to do for us to feel better. After all, none of us have asked for this mental illness have we? We didn't line up one day at the mental illness shop in town and say "yes please! I would love a ton of mental illness, and sad worrying, anxious and depressive thoughts please!". Yet, it does feel hard, even for a therapy vet like me to face going back. And you know what, I think that that is perfectly ok to feel that. After all, mental illness is tough isn't it? Exhausting? Having a daily life can be busy sometimes but hey, we do that while carrying this illness round.

I have come to the conclusion that, its ok to be nervous and to open up and talk. Because we are coming face to face with our own demons and not only are we facing up to them but we are challenging them. And we are in therapy to manage and overcome them. To face something that we, not once, asked to have. We are the brave, and as nervous as I am (and I am!) I know that I will be supported, and it is going to be ok, and not half as scary as I think. So to me, and anyone else wanting support I say do open up, do talk, you are braver and so much stronger than you think right now.

Wish me luck

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