I Would Have Lost Heart (A Personal Testimony)
Posted by Admin
2nd Nov 2018

By Chris Harrison

I have suffered bipolar disorder all my adult life. Bipolar means I can get very depressed and sometimes I compensate by over-elation. I have not been over-elated for a very long time. But being bipolar as I am, I am vulnerable to unrealistic ideas, and unrealistic expectations.  

There is no cure for my illness. All that can be hoped for is to manage and control the symptoms, which I try to do by medical and spiritual means – both, the two together. By medical, I mean “medication” spelt with the letter “C”. By spiritual, I mean “meditation” spelt with the “T” in the middle.

It is painful for me to admit that I suffer a mental health illness, because it might seem that I am invalidating my faith, or saying my faith is a delusion. However, given that I have a “medical” illness - “I would have lost faith, unless I had believed”. Without my faith, “I would have lost heart” a long, long time ago. Therefore my faith has been a great support to me.

I have turned 70 this very year. I am now in the Autumn of my life. I wish to devote my “Autumn” to deepening my prayer life, and reading mystical writers, especially Evelyn Underhill (died 1941).

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