Search

Blog

Negative Thoughts
Posted by potters29
21st Oct 2018

Negative thoughts are happening they are not something that are just put there for a reason. They are not something that just grow on trees like apples they are real, and they are happening each and everyday to me and to millions of people. Without sounding too depressing I would like to share my thoughts that I have daily as most of you Know I have had a very difficult time in coming to terms with life and the battles that lie ahead for me what does that mean? Well it means that I want to be able to share my experiences with the world I am not ashamed of what I have, and neither should you look at me through a different light.
I am the same person I was three years ago and still am the same person today so don’t treat me any different the thoughts I am about to share with you go deeper than my very soul I have never told anyone not even my mum who I have a very close relationship with I might have mentioned it once or twice to mum but she has always been very supportive of me and my struggles.
The negativity that runs through my veins makes me want to shout ‘’here we go again’’. But no, these thoughts are real they are happening my main thought is death and as morbid as that might sound it is something I am petrified of I guess most people are, but do they know how they are going to die No! it’s the unknown but what if I told you I knew how I Was going to die that would be absurd right of course no one knows how they are going to die but what if I did? What if I had the ability to connect with someone from my past not naming any names and connect with them spiritually and futuristically speaking now of course if I ever said that to anyone they would have me locked away not to mention thrown into a small tight spaced compartment with the key out of my reach.
See that’s the problem I never tell anyone how I am really feeling scared more than anything trusts issues hell yes but I still manage to tell people everything probably because I want them to know what I am going through is actually real and they should believe me I mean who would make that up not even someone like me who has been diagnosed with ‘’ paranoid schizophrenia’’ yeah I am not ashamed to say it people that’s what the clever clogs doc’s have come up with I have this illness now from someone as intellectual as me I like to research and research will literally pour out of my ears because I want to know are the doctors actually right or does this whole situation of me hearing voices go deeper than this?
Hence the reason I have started to write this down and to share to you lovely people that I have an illness that’s a fact but is it?
The main question is do I have paranoid schizophrenia or Am I gifted at birth with another.
The connection between me and this someone is quite powerful we can believe it or not read each other’s thoughts. Him being the key person in all this is obviously the sender he sends out things to me throws abuse at me critically criticises me then compliments me, now I am the person who receives all this like a telephone call if you like bizarre... right this does not even cover it this is not half the story people like me are non-believers we are cynical if you like we don’t believe in things like this and from this moment on the question that still plays on my mind is believe It or not is this true? Is this really happening to me?
So, what I want to know is why?
Why me, and why now?
Of course, Bullies never give a straight answer oh yeah did I mention there is more than one there is he who is the leader and then there is his followers I guess if I pin point the leader hit him on a dart board then I have my target thing is its not that simple and never will be and besides its not really in my nature as bizarre as this all sounds I am starting to question the doctors and my parents and my whole family is there something really wrong with me or was or still is what is happening now really happening
And how comes I am the only one that can hear these so-called friends in my head accordingly there is a reason like a reason behind everything.
Before I go I want you as viewers to know this my thoughts are my thoughts but are voices my thoughts its all confusing but the thoughts that I experience day in day out are happening.
Lack of oxygen to the brain people constantly talking about me behind my back apparently, I am no good at writing according to these bullies’ people only publish me because they feel sorry for me if that was the case why do they continue to publish me. Now I am not publishing this piece to name and shame those that crucially apparently want me dead but I am here to share this with you as an audience never ever let them show it worries you keep going remain strong and one day you will have the advantage not that you want to rub it in or anything… not by much anyway the point is never let them show that you are scared this is what I did wrong and I am still learning to cope with life and its daily struggles like all of us but I am not dwelling on the negatives the positives are there make the most of them you wonderful lovely lot
This is Leanne Drain signing off …

Share Email a friend Be the first to comment on this blog