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Press Delete
Posted by Admin
3rd Aug 2018

Press Delete - by Ellen Deaville

It was late and I was tired, scrolling through the contacts on my phone. Fragments of old hurts cluttered my mind like bits of broken pots on a mosaic table top. I deleted the name of a friend who had let me down, not returned my calls when she knew I needed to talk. I deleted an old boyfriend who had hurt me physically and emotionally, out of his own insecurity. I deleted the ex-neighbours’ contact details who had ‘befriended’ my elderly uncle and then moved in to his house when he was dying in a care home. How angry that had made the family feel and how betrayed, even now I can’t drive by the house without feeling red hot fury towards that woman.

So I pressed delete and found some peace of mind and the tiny start of some real healing. But I had to follow that with something vital for my own mental health – ACCEPTANCE.  An acceptance of the fact that I am far from perfect myself and that there are some people over the years who would have gladly deleted me after I broke their heart or lied to them. And vitally I needed to let myself feel the emotions which that memory had brought to the surface, stirred up like a stick in a pond. Because it was only by letting myself acknowledge the hurt or fear or anger that they would fade in time and be less painful to the touch. Yes I might have to practise acceptance every day for the rest of my life, but it is the only real way forward. Alcohol and drugs don’t work and other distractions are just that, but acknowledging feelings is the start of them losing their power over me.

Only the other day I met Sophia, a brave seventeen year old who had cut her own legs through self-harming and had been disowned by her family when they found out she had a girlfriend. That same girl had assaulted her and stolen her money, so now her anxiety was so great that she could not leave the house. So I listened, not offering any advice but saying simply “that must have been so hard for you..” and acknowledging her feelings. That was all she needed to help her to move on Sophia  told me, someone to listen and to care .. to help her to press her own delete button.

Ellen’s book - ‘Just be Yourself’ is now available on Amazon.

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