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I have anxiety caring for my mum who has psychosis
Posted by
9th Apr 2018

I really don't know how to begin! I thought I had a fairly normal family! I have a dad who works, a mum who works part-time and a sister who is autistic. I myself have had social anxiety and I have seen how strong I really am over the last two years. I have had trouble in achieving my goals, getting a job and even going back to study as a teacher. But I am still trying.

In the last week my mum has had a extreme amount of stress at work, as the primary carer of my autistic sister and the main carer of the house. But she has had a complete breakdown and been told she has an episode of psychosis. My mum went from being the normal bubbly, slightly eccentric mum I have always known to someone who is paranoid, not eating much, not drinking much, having to be persuaded it is safe to take medication she has been prescribed (which can take hours). She has not slept properly in over a week, she not talk much and she won't even let me hug her.

I feel like my whole world has been turned upside-down and that I have been thrusted into a position where I have to fill my mums shoes, look after her, my sister, the dogs and the house as my dad continues to go to work.
literally in a couple of days I went from living with my partner and my pets concentrating on getting myself a life, a job and a future, to putting everything on hold but I know I have to help my mum and my family. I am angry at my dad for leaving me to care for everyone while he is at work, but I feel guilty for thinking about myself. My sister is struggling to understand why her mum no longer acts like her mum, is angry and does not know how to cope. All this stress is put on my, as well as trying to get my mum to take her medication, to sleep, to eat to take care of herself whilst reassuring her everything is okay. At the same time I am looking after two dogs which I love dearly but are obviously affected by the unbalance energy in the house.

My partner is left alone to work and look after my animals which I haven't seen in over a week, some of them still babies. The reason I care about them so much is they are the only thing that has helped me get through my anxiety and give me a reason to get up in the morning.

I can tell my dad I feel stressed, but i know he feels the same, but yet he can go to work, but he has to work to support my family. My dad is a man that doesn't talk about how he is feeling and is a very strong willed person and doesn't understand mental illness.

It is like I have had what little freedom I had has been taken away from me and I am struggling to cope. I am scared I will go back to not being able to go out of my house and whatever little progress I have made in my own health issues will go backwards. I feel guilty for thinking about myself and resentment and if I could I would run away from the situation. I feel scared, alone, trapped, helpless, struggling to cope with the stress and hiding and sleeping when I can. I am not mum, I don't have my own children but it is like i have become a mum. How in the world do I cope and keep going? My mum has made some progress over the days,, I know it will take time and I just want my mummy back!

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