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Depression by Fatima
Posted by SANE
4th Apr 2018

Depression

I understand that you're depressed

but you're being selfish

Have you ever heard that line before?

From these dogooders that have your best interest at heart

You need to get over it now it's been a while

 

I'm sorry,

Im sorry, that I go sleep everyday feeling the weight of the world pressing down on my chest

Clogging up my throat and a jumbling up my mind

While I sink into the darkness that surrounds me

Silently screaming deafening screams that ring my ear

Trying to hold on to the tiny scrap of glimmer I have left

I am sorry.

 

From the outside looking in everything is rainbows and butterflies

But look inside through the frosted glass and see how exhausting this really is

 

I try get up everyday hoping today will be a new day

Yet I feel rooted to my bed and every ounce of me wants to roll over and switch the day to night

And everyday i battle and manage to fight

I pull the weights and drag myself out the door

And build my walls so very high even I can't see me

 

I have all the love surrounding but my occupied mind chooses to focus on that one bit of negativity

 

Do you think I don't want to be happy

You say you understand but look at me

Everything I do starts and ends with a cry

A frustration I hide so well while I question every second what if I just ended it?

 

Dragging my feet in every bad day watching the clock anxiously waiting for for something to go wrong

Just to crawl back into my hole at the end to play everything back like movie

Laying on my back on a bed of nails not wanting to leave but not wanting to sleep

 

And I ask myself again what if I just ended it?

And I drift off to the different ways and contemplate.

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