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The Blindside Memoirs 5
Posted by SANE
29th Mar 2018

Thorns

I lay here in the darkness, the light not be seen.

Only sky stars are my saviour. I cradle upon any help which I can find in this path we call hell's road.

Real fears and broken dreams only  now I face the truths of reality but I cannot let it strike me down.

They say show your true colours, but how can I do so when all you see is black and white?

Seems the easier way to ditch what I have made of myself, just to fit in as Black or white.

There is no place for the bright red rose , amongst the piercing thorns.

Chop me down as you do whilst the petals continue to fall.

All is left are the scars, the scars we all share together.

I try to reach out, but to no avail.

My system has shut down, finding a way to grow again.

Material gains mean nothing if I have to wear this almost inhumane expression of false pleasure.

Leave me be the way I was born to be , how can you all judge when everything I just said is exactly what you say to yourself?

Your just the scars like everyone else and you pray to they go away, the petals will grow back one day, but the scars stick forever. The petals continue to fall, disintegrate and die; leaving only everything bad I never wanted to remember.

I stare into a black hole which I call my inner emotions, trying to journey through what I feel.

Inside the mind of you and me, prepare to be frightened for what you really find and cast yourself, just like everyone else, just ask how do I know this?

Because I am that person who you are looking at, when you see me, it is you, confused yet? It is true.

This is what scares you, the fact you are now in the real world again. I am still lost in another world and I can't escape, but for now in a clear conscious state of mind, I am one of the fallen petals. You can help me grow again, but I will be torn apart, to be replaced and keep going on whilst pain and suffering is numb.

 

Consequences 

Like a flesh eating virus, I am slowly being ripped apart.

You know what you’re doing, yet you do not stop?

Hammers smashing me into pieces and you all fail to pick the left pieces up.

It does not matter what we do, we all do this.

Dog eat dog as they say, but does not mean you take pride and joy and privilege whilst another human is left dying at your very ground.

Look into one’s blood shot tear ridden eyes and tell yourself, is this what you really want?

Gasping, finding air to breathe beneath the surface, your eyes are finally opened, silence. I thought so.

None of you realise how much a fellow human being can be hurt and will never forget what has happened to them.

We remember each and every single thing you did, like a dagger to the heart, except that is a lot less painful and bloodier than what you are capable of.

You can never judge a book by its cover, so read every chapter before you make your opinion.

It is not always birds and bees, rainbows and sunshine’s; it is a lot more to it.

The human being was born to do of two things, love and spread intentional hate.

With too much love in the world, we become suffocated and spreading hate then seems to become the inevitable gateway to how reality is in picture and how it should be.

I hope you all whom read this and have caused pain, suffer a long line of horrible fate worse than a diseased death. Let your inner conscious eat away at whatever you thought was the right thing to do like the flesh eating virus you are.

I hope Karma devours you and leaves you limping back to each other, reality suddenly just checked you. You get the picture?

I hope you all feel your mind and soul try to escape and scream through the skin, every single sense attacks you and whilst looking into eyes of another human you just caused pain, I hope you understand that you just hurt your brother, your sister, your mother, your father.

I hope the incinerating acid burns a hole where your dying dark deceiving raped carcass of a heart used to be, and you get a small ounce of sense of just how much you hurt the person so closest to you.

The pain is saying to me, it says I hope you all are left, rot away alongside the evil which has been bestowed upon the generations before our time.

You are yourself who you are to know this? Who are you?

 

The response ‘’ I am neither physical or spiritual form, I am your inner conscious, fighting back against those you’ve left to carry on digging an early grave’’.

Gasp, the tears are starting to flow again, dead ice cold stare into the broken mirror whilst you come to grips which the truth. You finally realise what you just read is yourself fighting against what your emotions are trying to say, and you’re not sure how to take this.

Not even pray into pitiful mercy will be able to rescue you know from the damage you have left upon anyone whom ever tried to help you in your life. Your only hope is to allow yourself to endure the pain inside, and let it eventually kill you and until you then, you will not learn the consequences of your actions.

 

Blind-Man's Path 

Hear me out, let me have my say. This can be the easy or hard way.

Falling fast into the bottomless well of concealment, no ladder of peace or integrity for me to climb.

Stuck down here with nothing but my dug up soul and broken emotions. The light shines on everyone they say and guidance can be seen in the eyes of the beholder, but how can I guide myself when I am blind to my own reality let alone what's around me?

I'm on the blind man’s path, I can't see my way out of this.

I'm on the blind man’s path , where do I go from here?

The bottom of the well is not physically visible, it's a place inside me and you. Send out for reinforces and mercy, I need not your false sense of security , at least down here I can learn to appreciate what is good and right with the world.

Shadows comfy within my very being and haunt my existence, but I will fight to live again.

I'm on the blind man’s path, I can't see my way out of this.

I'm on the blind man’s path, where do I go from here?

Blind man’s path is a lonely journey. One Every man and woman experiences at least once in this forsaken evil spread hate filled natural disaster of a world.

My fears have become the real out my hyper realistic getaway. No longer a simulation within my sub conscious, but within my open conscious state and I’m trapped like a slave in the metaphorical cage which is surrounded by bloodied barbed wire and watching eyes. The only way to break out is sacrifice, ask questions later.

I'm on the blind man’s path, and I can't see my way out.

I'm on the blind man’s path, where do I go from here?

 

Life 

Sometimes the world is a cold and unforgiving place to live, and you just want to get away from it all.

We fail to remember at times that we are only human, and we all mistakes, it’s a part of the dark cycle which we call life.

Sometimes you wish you were not born and feel like life does not mean anything to you anymore and you take everything for granted, you’re entering the pit of easy suicide. Don't fall into this trap, save yourself from failing to see the simpler things in life and learn to appreciate what you may have.

A single second can crush years of hard work, now you have thrown it all away. Remember sometimes a simple act of communication can lead to the worst of situations and everything is thrown out of proportion, no one can truly understand what one is thinking or feeling.

When the world is against, sometimes you wish you had never been born at all, like life does not really give you your just rewards.

Life does not owe anything a living, but there is nothing wrong with living a life. When you are trapped in a cage like an animal, screaming out for a cry of help and you reach your hand, but everyone refuses, throwing rocks at you, breaking your bones and leaving you to bleed and die, it’s the worst feeling in the world to be totally misunderstood.

When you give your all and you only aim out to make people as happy as one can, when you feel that rejection in the pit of your stomach, it feel likes your heart has just ripped into many pieces and nothing else really matters. It feels like the world just blew up and nothing is left, except your cold dead soul.

Sometimes, just a bit of understanding goes a long, treasure your loved ones, tell them you love them, hold them close to you, understand them and don’t give up, live to fight another day, remember live and love! As lonely as you may seem, you have your loved ones, never forget them, now smile be happy and go live to the maximus.

 

Appreciation

Letting that sad song play on the radio, dwelling away in self-pity of my own demise and insecurities.

But then you came into my life, my sunshine in grey skies.

For a second I feel like the world is pushing down its almighty pressure upon my shoulders, I know your there to move the world for me. I know you would move mountains for me, make sure I don’t face this cold world on my own.

When I shed my tears, I know you are there to wipe them away and bring back that sunshine into my life.

When you feel like there is nothing in this world and everything is going against you like life is purposely playing a cruel show , and your pact of the sick act in humiliation and looking into the cold blackened eyes of defeat and failure.

But I have you, you mean more to me than what this world has to offer, you are the world to me.

I live every second in appreciation of how truly special you are, it feels like I am totally indestructible with you and I feel like I can achieve all my goals.

I love you, you have given me purpose again and made me see the light and that life is something that should not be taken for granted and I will give you my all, I will give you everything because you are worth it.

There is no one like you in this world, I feel like I am flying in the clouds and I just don’t want to come down, let’s stay up there and carry on floating.

I close my eyes and you’re in my thoughts, I then wake my eyes and I see you.

Your long beautiful flowing hair , with a smile that you can't miss.

Eyes like marble, goddess like in beauty and brains, am I in dream?

This is all real , and I am glad you are part of my life, and I want to keep going forward with you.

Words cannot truly express how much love there is and how much I care for you, Love is truly the greatest aspect of life and damn right I know I have it, and there is just no one like you.

Let’s grow old and let our kindred spirits become closer as I feel like we already one.

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