Panic Attack by Claire
Posted by clairerpb
6th Mar 2018

A memory once safely tucked away, far aside
Is suddenly released as it’s cautiously described;
An image provides focus and the words start to tumble,
Locked emotions emerge, then cause me to stumble.

Panic grips my stomach as feelings grab hold,
Adrenalin starts to surge as the story is told;
A wave of nausea strikes, that image is now all I see,
A sense of foreboding descends, I need to be free.

Gasping for breath but the nausea will not subside,
My body has taken over, to its rules I must abide;
Hands clenched, feet tingling, I can’t get enough air,
Dizzy, faint, all alone and there’s nobody there.

I hear a muffled voice, a hand touches my back
But the strength I need to reach it, seems to lack;
I feel the cold touch of the ceramic sink
And of falling to the floor, I am on the brink.

I continue to gasp, my head is confused,
I wish the panic inside me could be defused;
Then strong hands hold my arms, they’re supporting my weight,
I feel relief that someone else now controls my fate.

Soft, calm voices help the panic to slowly ease,
Adrenalin is finally willing to be appeased;
Breaths more regular, my feet now flat on the ground,
Becoming more sensitive to touch, taste and sound.

My whole body aches, my hands are still tense,
Of what has just happened, I need to make sense;
But my mind won’t let me, it’s all jumbled inside,
For now my body’s in command: I must put it aside.

Hours later, I claim by phone, that it’s no big deal:
A reaction like that cannot have been real;
Far easier to ignore it, pretend it never took place,
The fear I felt in those moments, I’d rather not contemplate.

How can an image alone cause so much pain?
How can I face confronting those memories again and again?
How can what has been buried for nearly twenty years
Now cause such agony, anguish and endless tears?

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