'What has helped me most ‘?
Posted by outingdepression
23rd Feb 2018

Getting my thoughts and feelings out of my head and on to paper is what has helped me the most throughout my experience of living with the symptoms of depression.

A journal by the bedside, where I scribbled my thoughts about my mental health, kept me company over a course of 10 years. My scribbles came out in a poetic form often using metaphor or image as a way of conveying how I felt. The writings were a useful way of detaching myself from the distressing feelings of the mental anguish caused by depression, because whilst writing, my brain could not, at the same time, be ruminating in never ending circles.

The writings also allowed me to be a witness, as a detached onlooker, into how I was feeling, and reading back over what I had written gave a different perspective or insight. Over time my writing became a source of hope where I could identify patterns or progress in my own mental health condition and in my relationship to it. I also found that sharing my writing with others was liberating.
I first shared my writing with the SANE community back in 2011!

Once I reached the stage where I had no need to write, I used my writing as a creative outlet. I published a website, videos and artwork to share with and inspire others. I self-published my writings into a fund raising book ‘A Blue Sky Is Calling’ and fundraised for SANE. I now include my writing and experiences in my mental awareness public speaking.

Why not give writing out your feelings and thoughts a go?
Here’s a couple of poems from my writings. ‘IT’ is the name I give to my depression symptoms:

I'm becoming a 'No-Thing'

Just lying here on the bed
Don’t really want to talk
I feel that there are those who watch and wait
With eyes like a hawk

Every move and every uttered noise
Takes so much effort to make
But I’m sure the hawks who watch and wait
Think I’m being fake

My body burns, my body aches
My head feels like I’m swimming in a sea of treacle
Black, dark, and full of gloop
IT engulfs ME, and so many other people

We all try to swim and move, and to call
To those lying care free on their grass in the sun
But a black fog descends and obscures our view
The nothingness has begun

So here I float in the nothingness
Staring into nothing-
I try to think, I try to do, but nothings coming out

I am becoming a ‘No-Thing’
But I know now, that this again will pass
Then, I will once again be in the sun
Lying care-free on the grass

On The Other Side of a Veil

Today I passed into the brightest of light
Where on the path I couldn't tell you
I just realized I wasn't being dragged
Down a path towards the worm’s pit.
I blinked, and there I was on the other side of a veil:
Lighter; energized; breathing free;
A lighter peace-filled step; an unburdened sigh;
Filled with colour.

I dream I was on the other side of that veil
Swimming in treacle: thick and black and silent;
Swimming against IT’s tide, which flows to that worms black pit.
I tell myself, that is now only a dream by the grace of God.
Maybe tomorrow all will be different.
But for now, I soar like a bird into the colours of my day.

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