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Expression of bottled up emotions and asking for advic
Posted by jayboo
25th Oct 2017

I have been going through a lot lately had feeling of wanting to die and self harming, this is through scratching I don't want people to see scars as I find it a hard point to talk about. I have bipolar disorder type two so the less manic one.

I have troubled all of my life with my size since around 13, I had a really happy childhood would get treats like any other child. I then started to pile on weight and I was bigger than all the other girls I felt out of place. I battled for years with slimming world, weight watchers all of these things being the youngest in the group I would feel emabarrassed to be there you know people thinking, 'shes so young why would she have to do something like this she can just run it off puppy weight".

My biggest battle day to day is my size, I get anxiety every time I leave my house or work panacing people will look at me and think I am fat, I really do try and tell myself positive things. I get so caught up in calorie counting and get so emotional if my weight goes up even by 1lb I get so emotional and go on a binge. I ruin all my healthy food prep due to this. I have tried everything and I am at my end of the line I need professional help. I have a appointment with a ED clinic next week and I pray they can help me. I have been turned away from specialists as they say, "I am to complicated" what does that even mean? they should be use to dealing with people like me that's why they are specialists.

If anyone has any advice on how to heal my relationship with my body and food I would love to hear as I have no self worth. I really want to hear other peoples experiences.

Lets beat this together

Regards
J x

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