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Newly diagnosed Bi-polar....
Posted by sjr23
24th Oct 2017

I have recently been diagnosed with Bi-Polar 2 disorder.... I'm really struggling with expressing how I feel at certain times to friends and family..... for years I have just put on a mask and acted like everything is "normal" but how long can you wear a mask before it starts to slip?? The weight of too many masks can also wear you down... the constant juggling for perfection, trying to please people, putting others before myself.... I am wired to please people and get approval, when the biggest judge of me and my actions is actually ME... but in reality I don't actually know who I am, what I want, what I need , what pleases me or what upsets me.... I've tried so long to hide what I am actually feeling and hide who I really am I've actually lost myself.....WHO AM I???

Always loving, but feels unloved,
Always giving, but just feels shoved.
Always laughing, but feels laughed at,
Looks so slim, but feels so fat.

Always happy, but feels so sad,
Always good, but feels so bad

Never happy, always sad,
Never good, always bad.
Never laughing, still laughed at,
Always trying but falling flat.

So many faces, so many fears,
One big "happy" clown, with many silent tears.....

This is me, this is who I am.... written by me....

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