Posted by sharon22
3rd Sep 2017

The last month has been hard...mentally, physically and most importantly emotionally, the panic attacks just don't seem to end, neither does the constant worry. My anxiety feels like a bully, a really big hard ugly bully that will not back down, some days, I feel so powerless to stop it and I feel like it takes over my entire body. The days feel long and hard. Sometimes I just stay in bed crying because I feel so powerless. I often wonder how the hell I got this bad? I sometimes think if I had chosen a different path in life then I wouldn't be the person I am today, but who knows, maybe I could of ended up worst?

The derealization is not nice, I feel like there is a huge glass wall between me and reality, I know deep down my mind is just protecting me from the anxiety and the panic attacks but it doesn't make it any easier In some ways as crazy as it sounds, it's a nice break from reality. I feel so vulnerable at the moment. I am not on Citalopram anymore, this derealization won't budge and I feel like mentally I am being challenged, but one thing I will give myself credit for is that only know how I finally realized how strong I really am, all this time I thought I could not be strong, but this whole experience has taught me never to doubt myself again. I am not weak and anxiety and panic attacks have not defined me. I am a strong woman who will always remain strong no matter how bad the panic attack/anxiety or derealization! They say everything happens for a reason, well I believe this is the reason, I doubted myself for so long and I felt so weak, but now I realize that I am strong and I really need to start believing in myself. I feel God is putting me through the worst so I can see that I am strong! I have trust in him.

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