Dealing with me
Posted by Auds
29th Aug 2017

So I must admit that I struggled to come to terms with how bad I was.

I had the thought. 

I am not bad enough to ask for help. So I didn't. I just dealt and dealt badly.

I have lived with it all my life. Rape, anorexia, self harm, the odd hysterical attempt at suicide, voices, night terrors, self loathing, acrophobia. drugs and booze. But I still never asked for help in the way that I did it on my own.

I was given forced help. None of which actually did any help.

Even in the 90s the idea of mental health problems had a looming thought of mental homes. Without the internet or even books, one didn't have that help. And being rural was even worse. If wasn't something people talked about.

I was told. Get over it or suffer with the hands of being in a home and forced EST. So I thought sod that and wandered off on my own path of discovery.

Pretending I was better. And hiding my scars well.

I got better, got worse, gave up, lied, cheated, ignored it. Stayed drunk, got into drugs, cried myself into hysteria and all with the words: 'Yes I am fine, its just PMS'.

So I hid well.

But I am done with hiding.

Share Email a friend Be the first to comment on this blog
Recent Posts
Artwork by Bex
22nd Sep 2017
Stop All the clocks
20th Sep 2017
It's okay to not be happy by Hannah
18th Sep 2017
My fight
14th Sep 2017
Army by Jess
14th Sep 2017