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Pard's Story
Posted by TaliT
12th May 2017

As a teenager I was a typical one. I loved spending time with family and friends, but as I grow older things got worse.

At the age of 15, I started getting really aggressive and feeling depressed, and I had very low self esteem. I was struggling with relationships at home and in my social life. I thought it was just my hormones and it was part of growing up.

I left home to join the Royal Air Force at 17 as this was my dream. A few weeks in I started to feel really lonely. There were days when I woke up in tears as I missed my family. I thought if I left then I would be a failure. After nearly six months of trying I decided to leave and move back to Cornwall.

When I turned 18 I turned to drinking and drug as my mental health become such a struggle to deal with. I spent over a year on drink and drugs as it was my way of coping with how I was feeling and kept the voice in my head at bay.

On Boxing Day 2009 I went to watch rugby with a group. Once we hit the pub I had an argument and it send me on a downward spiral where I went missing and tried to take my life. A couple of days later I went to the doctors and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I was put on medication, given counselling and signed off work.

I moved back in with my parents who were living in south Wales. I slowly got back onto my feet and started work. I was getting new friends with my work colleagues.

In May 2016 my life took a serious turn. I had gone out to a friend’s wedding do of an evening. Unfortunately it was the same day as my grandad’s funeral. I got that drunk my life fell apart in front of my eyes. Come the Sunday evening I had enough of everything and again tried to end my life.

The next day I went to see my doctor. She was concerned about me and send me for an emergency mental health assessment. I went to this and they sectioned me under the Mental Health Act. After spending some time in hospital I was discharged and moved in with a friend.

Over the next few weeks I had people around me supporting me. I saw my psychologist and I finally got a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. On one hand I felt great as I finally knew what I was dealing with but on the other hand I was clueless to what this was.

Since I found out I had border line personally disorder I have tried to not let it affect me so much but it's easier said than done. Hearing the voices in my head daily and battling my demons on top of this condition is a living hell but I am finally accepting the help being given to me.

I feel rather sad that we're in the 21st century and we don't seem to talk about mental health problems like we should.

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